Crazymaking - Drives You Nuts!

CRAZYMAKING -- THIRTY-FOUR EXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

==== Abusers often engage in 'crazymaking'

When you are told to do two opposite things and then chastised because you did one and not the other, that is an example of crazymaking.

Crazymaking is a guaranteed way to control someone because you can never be right. If a person requires two opposite things from you, point out that this is impossible and that you cannot do this.

Here is an example from an old joke: A mother gave her son two shirts. At a family gathering the son made a special effort to wear one of these to please his mother. When he arrived, his mother was angry. "Why?" he wanted to know. "Because you did not wear the other shirt, " she replied.

Crazymaking can happen in a variety of ways. For example, in a discussion a person might say two opposite things. You are lead to believe that he/she changed his/her mind and you accept the last statement as what was meant. But later in the week, when the issue comes up, he/she says, "Well, I already told you such and such" which was the first thing he/she said. In short the discussion with you was set up so that no matter what happened the person can say that he/she did what was agreed. Note: 'crazymaking' really will make you crazy after a while...

The Loneliness of Crazymaking

By Dr. Margaret Paul
December 31, 2006

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In order to manage another's crazymaking behavior, you need to name and manage the painful feelings of loneliness and helplessness that occur when you are at the other end of crazymaking behavior.

Trust Me, It Isn’t You

October 25th, 2008

Please permit me to get straight to the point. If you are married to The Crazy-Making Husband, in his head and heart, your very existence is the problem.

Yes, you read my words correctly. What you do or don’t do, think or don’t think, feel or don’t feel isn’t what activates his crazy-making. It’s the fact that you exist.

Though he may deny it, the core reason is that The Crazy-Making Husband doesn’t want to be a husband. In fact, he doesn’t want to be a grownup. As his wife, your existence ‘demands’ he be both. Take a survey of women whose husbands drive them crazy. I guarantee not one will report that her husband accepts responsibilities willfully, or gracefully — especially relational responsibilities.

Postcards from Splitsville- Children Expressing Themselves About Divorce

A website where children can share their divorce-related feelings anonymously and parents can get a new perspective on how this life-changing experience impacts their children’s lives.

LMAO!!!

Featured Evidence

What An Ass! 

There are those moments that will stick with you forever. Your first kiss. Your wedding day. The birth of your first child. And of course, the first time you walked into the bathroom and saw something this insane. You don't know whether to laugh, cry or scream.

You would think this would be one small step for man. That's right. Just slip the little piece of cardboard right off the holder and into the garbage can. There's no special clip. You don't have to tinker with any tough latches. Nope, it's just a simple flick of the wrist. But nooooooooooo... It would be so much easier to just place a brand new roll right on top of the old empty one. Perhaps keep it there for posterior. Or maybe it has sentimental value... For the love of God, there has to be some reason, he's decided to leave it there.

Don't Read This Blog

Super-uber funny, brilliant and wise, not to mention contagiously cute...just like my precious forever cousin who wrote it, click the link below and read...it's a good one.  ;)

Don't Read This Blog

ABOUT ME

HEATHER GEMMEN WILSON 

Through all the circumstances of my life, I have gained more than I have lost ... and I'm not just talking weight.
VIEW MY COMPLETE PROFILE

Women in Crime Ink: Murder in Disguise

Women in Crime Ink: Murder in Disguise

by Susan Murphy Milano

3 Most Common Mistakes: Kids and DIvorce

What are the three most common mistakes parents make after a divorce?

Expert: Ben Garber, author of Keeping Kids Out of the Middle

1. Undermining your partner.

This happens when Caregiver A says to Billy or Sally, "Don't listen to your other parent. Here's what we'll do." It can sound fun and conspiratorial: "Your mom's away. Now us boys can have fun," or outright damning: "Your other parent's a jerk. Don't listen to him!"

Kids need every opportunity to build and maintain the healthiest relationship that they are able to with each of their caregivers, regardless of the adults' feelings for one another. Unfortunately, human beings become physically mature enough to have kids long before they become emotionally mature enough to put their own feelings aside in support of the child's needs.

2. Enlisting your child as a spy, courier or co-conspirator.

When a parent begins to treat a child like a peer (a process known as adultification), the child feels complimented and eagerly accepts the new role. It feels like a promotion! But adultification cheats kids out of the opportunity to feel safe and cared for. It inevitably exposes them to experiences that they're not ready to cope with emotionally. The result is a huge amount of anger and anxiety, depression and distraction.

Don't ask your child to quiz their other parent when they're together, or report back to you afterwards. Don't let your own loneliness, neediness or stress make your child into a new best friend, or co-parent to a younger sibling (a process known as parentification). Get your emotional gas tank filled by other adults. Parenting means you refueling your kids, not the other way around.

You should give "we" messages. "We" communicates that the co-parents are mutually participating in a decision despite their differences, as in, "Last week you asked me if you could go to the dance. Your dad and I discussed it and WE think it's okay." Aside from the obvious content (go to the dance), WE communicates that the parenting team is always together, creating a safety net that communicates security to the child.

3. Trying to do it all alone.

Raising a child does, indeed, take a village. To make sure your emotional needs are met (not to mention getting some time away), it's critically important for you to have suitable co-caregivers. That doesn't mean getting married, necessarily; it sure doesn't mean staying married if you're in an unhealthy relationship. It means finding healthy support for you, and assembling a team to raise your child. Your adult partner could be a co-parent; maybe your sibling, your mom or dad, or your neighbor. Their pediatrician, clergy person, and a good child therapist can all be part of the team.

Interview by Anna Leuchtenberger

Peace4 the Missing Blog: Heroines of Peace

Peace4 the Missing Blog: Heroines of Peace