10 Seconds

"I've filed for divorce, you have 10 seconds to say something before I hang up."

Upon hearing this, over the phone, after 7 plus years of marriage, 2 children, 1 mortgage, 2 vehicles, 1 boat, 100's of memories, 1,000's of future hopes/plans/dreams and countless "turn the other cheek" undeservedly so acts of forgiveness...I was unable to fully utilize the 10 seconds I'd ever so "graciously" been given...

Upon hearing this, over the phone, amidst the simultaneous news that my Beloved Father was possibly dying from AML Leukemia...I was unable to even catch my breathe, let alone use the 10 second response time alloted in a meaningful manner.

At that moment, all I could do was hope for the next moment, for the ability to breathe once again, to not let the trauma overwhelm me, to continue to somewhat stand, to do everything in my power to not literally pass out.

10 seconds to respond to no more forever.

10 seconds to say whatever I'd not been given "permission" to express ever since we promised till death due us part.

10 seconds to state how I felt about now being a single parent, to vocalize my thoughts, my shattered dreams, my no more tomorrows, my darkened present, my broken heart, my violated trust, my ridiculed yesterdays, my abandoned todays...

10 seconds, not a half second extra of grace time, not even a minute, just seconds, only 10...that's all I "deserved" not one moment more...that's all I meant, all that I was, all that I mattered, all that, to you, I'd ever be...

Just 10 seconds, 10 lousy, insignificant seconds.

The Psalm of Survival

The following poem was written by Frank Ochberg, MD, founder of Gift from Within

Survivor Psalm
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.

To break the cycle, abused women need support

Abusive men use triangulation, enmeshment, parental alienation, manipulation, bullying, intimidation, extreme controls and games they play through their children, co-workers, friends, family, and anyone to try to continue the abuse. Financial abuse typically ruins many women’s lives once they leave an abusive man.

If a woman stands up to talk about abuse, she tends to get more abuse. Restraining orders are hard to get and keep without good and ongoing documentation of an abusive man’s behaviors. Ongoing legal help is very costly. Unless a woman has a very lucrative career, an abusive man easily continues to create problems post-divorce so the woman runs out of money simply trying to move forward in life.

To any of you whose lives will be touched by a woman experiencing domestic abuse, please be her friend. Help her find resources and stick with her for the tough years ahead. It takes years to escape domestic abuse and stay totally clear of it. Escaping domestic abuse can only happen when a woman is ready and has had enough personal pain to walk away and stay away from unhealthy relationships for good.

The above clips were taken from an editorial written by “Ginger” and “Mary Ann,” two women who survived domestic abuse and were interviewed in 2006 by Ruth Anne Maddox. To read article in its entirety please click HERE