PAS, if you don't believe it, you're a crazy #$%&@#$

Parental Alienation Syndrome, PAS, here's a PAS victim, there's a PAS victim, PAS victim, PAS victims, everywhere...makes my head spin. Wow, when did the majority of Women, most notedly, Mothers, become such Evil B-words?

The days of "Respect Your Father and Mother" seem to be a faded and distant memory for so many today, at least for those vocally speaking out...frequently, everywhere, with lots and lots of aggression. Because, apparently, Daddy can't be expected to respect this horrible thorn of his past, the one who went to hell and back bearing his child, this "crazy" woman who meanwhile cried tears of joy and thanksgiving throughout the entire experience.

Clearly, she doesn't deserve it...so we hear, because that "nuthead" he tragically was "forced" to endure being married to, is now grotesquely, not to mention, violently abusing him with PAS, which by the way most definitely should be a "Syndrome" regardless of the fact that no accredited affiliation recognizes it as such and regardless of the fact that PAS was conjured up by a Pervert promoting Child Molestation.

Yet in my humble opinion, (which probably doesn't matter, since you see, well I'm a MOM, enough said) at some point we are all victims of "Parental Alienation" ~ just like at some point we are all lied to, cheated, ignored, mocked, unappreciated and nearly always, not loved as much nor how we truly should be...

In which case, I guess we need a heck of a lot more Syndromes for all of those things too.

Sounds like we all should expect much higher taxes in 2009, considering all that the Court and Protective Agencies need to get up to speed on.

Parental Alienation Syndrome, although everything may look like its a crazy thing to be calling a Syndrome, it's not, you are...or so we hear, over and over and over again...

Bring Back MOTHERHOOD!

This following FABULOUS post was found on Anonymums, to whom I say Bravo for these sentiments, words, vision and strength!

Motherhood

The campaigns for fathers ended up degrading and excluding single mothers from all walks of life. They were wrong for working and leaving their children, they were wrong for being poor, they were wrong for leaving abusive relationships and maintaining the "status quo" that would have harmed or even killed them, they were wrong for nurturing their children(alienating). A few years ago, I saw many grumpy mothers in the supermarket, now I see grumpy fathers - mothers were never any worse at raising children, they just did it more, thats all. The difference?

Single mothers are still being degraded no matter what they do and considering she has risked her life and body to bring each and everyone in the world, its about time, people began to show her a bit more gratitude and respect. Single mothers cannot continue to endure the wrath of the community for another lifetime, its bad for our youth and bad for society. It says to the rest of the world: "We as Australians are selfish and undeserving of the life that our mothers have given us". 

The solution is that Australians need to be more aware of this factor. This also includes same sex parents who can raise their children just as well, but should not be treated like baby factories and have abusers walk all over them to resolve "fatherlessness". Its about time these fathers learn to take some of the responsibilities as to why a mother might be apprehensive at contact for the child. There is a real undermining of her reasons with little and in some cases large amounts of evidence as to why she would sacrifice the little time she has to herself to have the children stay with her for longer periods of time. 

We need to ask ourselves: 

Why are we calling mothers abductors of their own children? 

Why are we looking down upon mothers for trying to bring food into their homes by working? 

It is no wonder women want to abort and more are choosing to have children later in life .

We didn't just throw the baby out with the bath water - We threw the mother out too. 

Bring back Motherhood. 

Grow Up Divorced Parents, Share your Kids, it's Christmas

Don't be the "greedy kid" with your kids anytime and especially at Christmas.  Let's all try harder to take the beautiful Christmas sentiment of caring and sharing to a higher level and really live it out loud during all of the other remaining days of the year as well.

(Much needed additional note here as well...these sentiments DO NOT apply when one of the parents has been and/or is abusive, that is an ENTIRELY different scenario, with much needed ENTIRELY different rules, in order to protect the abused parties of the offender.)

Don't use holidays for tug of war

Monday, Dec. 15, 2008

By Mary Lou Aguirre / The Fresno Bee

Nearly 17 years ago this month, I was in the wedding of a relative. The bride and groom had bright smiles of happiness. The couple, then in their early 20s, danced to Luther Vandross' love song "Here and Now," the lyrics of which state "You're all I need."

Of all the weddings I have attended, and there have been plenty, I felt this marriage would last. This loving couple and their children shared a good-natured sense of humor which made their home, as Dr. Phil would say, "a soft place to land." This was especially true when our families spent Christmas together.

Unfortunately, the laughter and Christmas visits are over. The couple is now on the path toward divorce. To make matters worse, both sides are resorting to "parental alienation" --- Parental alienation is a fancy term for bad-mouthing the other spouse. 

My relatives are practically a case study on how NOT to handle a divorce.

"A lot of parents rationalize what they do by saying they're protecting their child from the other parent," Darnall explained during an interview.

In fact, the holidays often escalate the tension between spouses, he says.

"Holidays are a sensitive issue because most parents want a fair share of the time with the child," he says. "We place a high value at Christmas with being together. If one parent is blocking access to the child, then the other parent feels lonely and bitter."

Darnall provides warning signs of child manipulation:

Telling the child details about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce.

One parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family or changes in lifestyle.

Asking the child to choose one parent over the other.

Reacting with hurt or sadness to a child having a good time with the other parent.

Listening in on the child's phone conversations with the other parent.

Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs, or scheduling the child in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit.

Encouraging any natural anger the child has toward the other parent.

Is a "friendly" divorce ever possible?

"There are people with children who can work very well together," he says. "They recognize the value for the children to have a loving relationship with the other parent. It's my belief that the majority of parents have a reasonably healthy relationship with their ex-spouses."

Parents, says Darnall, who continue denigrating their former spouses are risking their children's well-being. Children are affected academically and socially.

"It depends on the child's personality or character," he says. "Some are extremely sensitive, and others can brush things off. We do see gender differences. Males tend to act out and females become passive-aggressive.

The good news, Darnall says, is a parent will often stop the behavior once they see it in themselves.

"A lot of these problems are avoidable," Darnall says.

PAS, The "It's Not My Fault!" Syndrome

Oh Alex, you are so not helping efforts to validate Parental Alienation as a Syndrome...

Alex Baldwin's tirade against his minor child needs to be seen for what it is-child abuse. Not only is it child abuse but is also so typical of the mindset and the philosophy that Americans so easily resort to when it comes to taking responsibility for their actions. "It's not my fault."

Here is what Baldwin said after calling his little girl a "thoughtless little pig" and threatening to come from New York to Los Angeles to "straighten her out"-a threat to the kid's safety if ever there was one.

"Although I have been told by numerous people not to worry too much, as all parents lose their patience with their kids, I am most saddened that this was released to the media because of what it does to a child," he wrote. "I'm sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child. I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now. You have to go through this to understand. (Although I hope you never do.) I am sorry for what happened. But I am equally sorry that a court order was violated, which had deliberately been put under seal in this case."

1. "Although I have been told by numerous people not to worry too much, as all parents lose their patience with their kids, I am most saddened that this was released to the media because of what it does to a child." - The man is not worried that what he said to his daughter would affect her adversely, only that what he said to her was released to the media. He is not concerned about how his abusiveness might affect the girl but how the release of the recording might affect her. Is this man in his right mind or is this indicative of just how much his character is flawed?

2. "I'm sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child. I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now. "- The man is shifting blame and not taking personal responsibility for his words or actions. He is sorry for losing his temper but blames "parental alienation" as that which drove him to lose his temper. No, Mr. Baldwin, "parental alienation" is your perception of a stimulus provided to you through the circumstances in which you've found yourself. Parental alienation, whatever that is supposed to mean, is not some animated, sentient entity capable of doing anything. It hasn't arms nor legs, a brain to think with, or anything else that would enable "it" to "drive" you to do anything. Your loss of temper is a behavior you chose to deal with a situation. (Since he is referring to someone committing the sin of "parental alienation," he must certainly be blaming the child as the alienator-it's the child's fault for alienating him-"parental alienation" made him do it.)

3. "You have to go through this to understand."- If ever there was an indication of the lack of critical thinking skills in the minds of Americans, this is it. This is something to which many resort in trying to justify their irrational and ill-chosen behaviors. Think a moment to what this man is actually saying: If you went through what I've been going through, then you would not condemn me. And, if you've never walked in my shoes, then you do not have the right to criticize me for calling my daughter a little pig." This man is claiming that the only way we could "understand" why he did what he did is if we had undergone this spookily-termed, "parental alienation." This man is not apologizing but trying to justify his bad behavior. And, he claims, you would understand why he abused his child if you had undergone his trials and tribulations. I don't have to have murdered someone to understand why someone resorted to bad behavior by killing his neighbor. I don't have to have sexually abused a child to know that it is ill-chosen behavior. I don't have to have stolen something that didn't belong to me to understand that stealing is wrong. How, I would love to ask Mr. Baldwin, would our understanding help us to "get it?" How would our undergoing "parental alienation" help us to understand that what Mr. Baldwin did to his daughter is somehow justified? After all, Mr. Baldwin seems to be saying if we had ever undergone "parental alienation," we would understand-cut him some slack.

4. "I am sorry for what happened. But I am equally sorry that a court order was violated..."- See how the man is trying to shift blame? What the man is sorry for, I cannot fathom, but I most certainly see that he is blaming the one who violated a court order. Baldwin cannot, at least as yet, just say that no matter what the circumstances were, no matter what the situation dealt, no matter what information he was provided to which he had to respond, that he was wrong-period-for lashing out at that child.

The past decades, if not a century, of psychoanalytical psychobabble has taught Americans that they are victims. If they act out with bad behavior, it couldn't possibly be the fault of the one who chose the bad behavior. It was "the circumstance's fault." If they get caught in some behavioral sin, then it wasn't their fault but the fault of someone or something that provided them with something to which they had to respond and did so badly.

Every circumstance, situation, problem, child acting out, a spouse acting out, a boss firing you, is just information provided to you. You get to choose how you are going to react to what is before you. All we ever do is behave. From the time we are born to the time we die, all we do is choose behaviors in response to a stimulus. What marks us as mature, sane, and rational is how we've learned to think critically through a bad hand dealt us and choosing the correct, socially appropriate and morally correct behavior.

Was one of Alex Baldwin's choices when his daughter didn't pick up the phone when he called to lash out in an abusive tirade at her? Yes.

However, thinking, and I mean using critical thinking skills, is what would have directed him to consider better alternatives. He could have ranted at the girl or he could have made a better choice. A little bit of maturity would have gone a long way in preventing his childish behavior.

Oh, Mr. Baldwin, we understand perfectly and are wondering,

"Just who is the child here?"

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Douglas_Bower

Recent PAS Antics, Exploiting a Father's Suicide to Further Advance Cause

At some point, even the most worthy of all causes should not cross a certain line regardless of the great amount of awareness crossing it might bring. Thankfully, the majority of humankind clearly sees the trauma of a child losing a parent to suicide as that line. Tragically, some do not...

Details and reference to quote below have been intentionally omitted in order to spare these traumatized children from additional emotional abuse.

Latest Victim of Parental Alienation - XXXXX  XXXXXX

The board of the National Parents Rights Association is sad to report the suicide early this morning of one of our members, a loving father, xxxxxxxx.

After a horrible three year court battle in xxxxx, xxxxx finally received the judge’s decision on Wednesday the day before Thanksgiving.

That decision stripped him of any decision making in his children’s lives and relegated him to “visitor” status with approximately 15% parenting time.

His former wife’s attorneys, xxxxxxxxx did a brilliant job along with the aid, assistance and complicity of the Guardian ad litem, xxxxxx; the Court Evaluator, xxxxxxxx and the children’s counselor xxxxxxxx in breaking this father, financially and emotionally and casting aspersions on his good name.

Please keep the REAL VICTIMS in this case, the children as well as their now sole remaining parent, in your most compassionate thoughts and fervent prayers.

Top Ten Ways to Survive the Holidays During and After Divorce

Top Ten Ways to Survive the Holidays During and After Divorce

Coping with separation, divorce and loss is MAGNIFIED as the holiday season approaches. Many people feel overwhelmed by the stress and strain of trying to maintain the status quo, when in fact, their entire world is collapsing around them. The Holiday season serves as a constant reminder of festive, happier times and is contrasted by the stark reality of loneliness and despair. While others are eagerly anticipating the holidays, a newly separated or divorced person often approaches this time of year with panic, sadness, and dread. Although there are no magical solutions to cure the holiday blues, there are things you can do to make it easier to cope.

1. PLAN AHEAD - Plan to do something that is fun, relaxing, and as stress free as possible with people you really care about. If the holidays are just too painful and the reminders are everywhere, consider a vacation that allows you to "escape " the painful triggers.

2. CREATE NEW RITUALS AND FAMILY TRADITIONS - While you may want to hold on to some of the past traditions, it's a good idea to create some new rituals with friends and family. (Consider an alternative day, time, place, etc.)

3. REASSURE KIDS THAT HOLIDAY CELEBRATIONS WILL CONTINUE, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY - Children can help create some of the new holiday rituals and traditions. Take time to brainstorm with your children about new ideas for celebrating.

4. ASK IF YOU ARE ACTING "IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" - Decide ahead of time how holidays will be divided. Reassure kids that you will be OK while they are with the other parent. Remember, tired kids will be stressed out and cranky, so plan according to their ages and ability to adjust. Keep the arrangements as simple as possible.

5. MAKE A SCHEDULE - Make a list of everything you need to do for the holidays and a target date to accomplish your goals. This will help you to feel more in control and less stressed. Delegate tasks appropriately.

6. ASK FOR HELP FROM SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS - Rely on a healthy support system if you are feeling isolated, lonely or depressed. Tell your support people what you need from them (companionship, understanding, compassion, listening, etc.)

7. BE REALISTIC - "Picture perfect" holidays are usually just an illusion. Have realistic expectations about the holiday season, especially the first year.

8. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF - Get the proper amount of sleep and exercise and eat healthy in order to maximize your ability to cope. It's easy to overeat or party too much to medicate your pain, but in the long run, it creates more problems.

9. SCHEDULE TIME FOR REST, RELAXATION AND NURTURING - Give yourself a break. You deserve it!

10. ONE DAY AT A TIME; ONE HOLIDAY AT A TIME - It will get easier. It will get better. It will hurt less. Right now, just concentrate on one thing at a time!

If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or stuck, GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive environment in which you can gain insight, learn problem solving skills and find solutions to dealing with the anger and pain of separation and divorce.


SHELLEE DARNELL IS A IS A LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST IN PRIVATE PRACTICE IN IRVINE, CALIFORNIA. SHE HAS A MASTERS DEGREE IN EDUCATION FROM JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY AND A MASTERS DEGREE IN COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY FROM PEPPERDINE UNIVERSITY.

Giving Alec Baldwin Credibility Will Generate More Violence Against Women

News from NOW-NYS

For more information contact: Marcia Pappas, 518-452-3944

Shame on ABC and CBS for Validating Junk Science as Real
Giving Alec Baldwin Credibility Will Generate More Violence Against Women

ALBANY, NY (09/24/2008; 1007)(readMedia)-- Shame on ABC's "The View" and CBS's "Sixty Minutes". This week, both of these TV shows allowed actor Alec Baldwin to spew venom and lies about something called Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). In fact, PAS is junk science that was trumped up by the late Richard Gardner. Gardner who also believed that society should accept that fact that parents have sex with their children. Shame, shame, on ABC and CBS for allowing this tripe to be sold as real science.

Contrary to materials presented on ABC and CBS, PAS is not recognized by any valid psychological or psychiatric association as a valid syndrome or disorder. Indeed, it was developed as a litigation strategy to defend against abuse allegations in such cases as Alec Baldwin's. And PAS is almost never discussed, let alone "diagnosed," in situations other than family/divorce-court child custody cases.

It is also important to note that marital violence is a statistically significant predictor child abuse. Reputable studies have also shown that just witnessing such violence adversely impacts children.

In this context it is disturbing to realize that custody transfers to abusive parents are far from rare. Whether or not they have a history of violence, men who ask for custody of their children often get it. Even more significantly, an abusive man is more likely than a nonviolent father to seek sole custody of his children, and is just as likely or even more likely to be awarded custody as the mother.

NOW-NYS is outraged about this unbalanced reporting. Accounts of PAS should be countered by professionals with accurate and opposing information. And information should be presented about how, on a daily basis, women lose custody to abusive fathers. It is clear that mothers are the last major group the patriarchy can attack with impunity. It is time to speak out against this manner of dangerous reporting.

Courageous Kids Network, Children Abused by PAS

Fighting the "Hidden American Disgrace" of Court Abused Children

We, the Courageous Kids Network, are a growing group of young people, whose childhood was shattered by biased and inhumane court rulings, which forced us to live with our abusive parent, while restricting or sometimes completely eliminating contact with our loving and protective parent.

Some of us, whose mothers tried to protect us from abuse, did not see our mothers for years, or were only allowed to see our mothers under oppressive supervised visitation orders. We were not allowed to hug our mothers, or talk about how we felt. Some of us were separated from siblings, grandparents and extended family. We lost our home, pets, toys, friends,… our childhood. We lived in fear, depression, hopelessness and helplessness for years. Some of us ran away from our abusers. Some could not handle the trauma and committed suicide.

We who survived, got older and stronger. Now we are telling the world how much we were hurt, first by our abusers and then by the court that refused to protect us.

Many of us in the Courageous Kids Network, in fact most of us, suffered because the court accepted an invalid theory, Parental Alienation Syndrome (nicknamed "PAS"), which was created by a child psychiatrist named Richard Gardner. Gardner was more than a psychiatrist. He was a shrewd businessman. He discovered there was a lot of money to be made from testifying in defense of incest offenders in family court.

MODERATOR'S NOTE:

Alienation does occur, and can exist even within intact families. However, it is not a syndrome, but a behavior that is not uncommon in human experience, and therefore should not qualify for "expert" testimony. It is the improper assignment of psychological labeling to normal protective behavior, through the use of "abuse excuse" legal defenses, that has resulted in the convoluted knee jerk reaction of courts in punishing protective parents by stripping them of custody.

In a review of hundreds of protective parent cases, batterers and incest offenders fought for, and won, custody by labeling the protective parent's efforts to keep the child safe as "parental alienation." Without exception, once the abuser gained custody of the child and control in the litigation, he engaged in the very behavior that he projected onto the protective parent: he alienated the child from the protective parent, and attempted to exclude that parent from the child's life. In no case was the custodial abuser held accountable by the court for thwarting a relationship, or for violating orders for visitation, between the child and the protective parent.

By virtue of giving the wrong parent custody, the family court condones and exacerbates the same behavior it allegedly seeks to prevent, that is: one parent damaging the relationship between the child and the other parent. By abolishing psychobabble testimony and focusing on parental history and behavior, under appropriate rules of evidence, the courts could make well reasoned custody decisions that would protect both the safety of children and parental rights.

For additional information on PAS, visit these links.

Courageous Kids Network

Parental Alienation - Invented by a Pedophile

Parental Alienation was invented by Dr Richard Gardner.
How much do you know about Dr Gardner.

1. Abuse can be enjoyable for the child.
2. Rape is the price to be paid to receive sperm
3. if a father abuses a child, tell him what he did was natural.

You CANNOT believe this man.
He's off his rocker.
We've put his quotes into a video - make up your own mind.

But whenever someone quotes PAS, remember this nutter invented it.

If a child claims abuse - it should be made to live with its father and the mother jailed.

How many children in care homes have suffered abuse because of PAS.

We must wipe out PAS from every court in every country, our children have a voice. This pedophile was trying to silence abuse victims, isolate them, and force them to live with their abuser. But don't take our word for it - check out his quotes....