My New Year's Resolution Is To No Longer Walk Alone

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Establish National Protocol in Missing and Unidentified Person Cases

Every 30 seconds someone in the U.S. disappears, an average of 850,000 persons per year. Of that number, approximately 105,000 remain as open cases, unresolved. There are also unknown numbers of unidentified deceased persons, with estimates as high as 50,000. With modern technologies, available resources and tools, more cases could be resolved. With law enforcement budgets slashed, available training and knowledge of these tools and resources remain out of the grasp of many agencies. Cases go unresolved, family members remain in pain needlessly, criminals go free, and the unidentified deceased are buried and even cremated, taking the answers with them, sometimes forever. The Department of Justice crafted model legislation which would give law enforcement, coroners, and medical examiners the necessary protocol and tools to correct this injustice. Efforts have been made to pass this legislation on a state by state basis, but this process has proven to be slow. Each day that passes without these procedures in place increases the number of missing persons who may never be recovered, and unidentified deceased persons who might never be named. The legislation provides law enforcement with a check list of information to acquire from the family of the missing person, databases and other resources to utilize, such as DNA analysis, and the new NamUs. Coroners and medical examiners are given procedures to report the unidentified deceased, and enter all available identifiers into national databases, such as fingerprints, dental records, and DNA analysis.

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WANTED, Your Story of Child Custody with an Abuser

Victims of parental alienation custody change fraud send your info here

Please send your story of defending your child from an abuser.

Victims from all over the world need to get the message out about the network of people who “excuse abuse” and falsely accuse protective parents of hypothetical psychological theories in order to facilitate a change of custody to the abusive parent or grant visitation when it is not in the child’s best interest.

Please email your story including the state and county of the case, name of the colluding parties, evaluators, GALs or other parties involved. Do not list the parents or child’s name, but instead use the terms mother, father, child, son or daughter, etc. to maintain your privacy. Do include the names of the unethical people if you care to do so. Patterns very quickly appear with the same people using the same scam. Exposing these patterns will hopefully lead to some action being taken involving this custody “racket”.

Send your story to: ParentalAlienationFraud@gmail.com

The Misuse of Parental Alienation Syndrome

PAS Misused to Defeat Valid Abuse Claims in Child Custody Cases

In response to the increased media attention surrounding the release of Alec Baldwin's book entitled, "A Promise to Ourselves," the National Network to End Domestic Violence, the Domestic Violence Legal Empowerment and Appeals Project, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and StopFamilyViolence.org release the following:

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), the Domestic Violence Legal Empowerment and Appeals Project (DV LEAP), Stop Family Violence, and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, four of the nation's leading domestic violence victim advocacy organizations, call on the media and the courts to rectify the misunderstanding and misuse of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) in custody cases.

"Child custody cases are among the toughest cases courts have to handle. And in custody cases where domestic violence is involved, the judges have an even higher responsibility to ensure that the safety of family members is not dangerously impaired by misleading - and legally unjustifiable - 'parental alienation syndrome' theories," said Sue Else, president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence.

"Parental Alienation Syndrome" is a claim that has been used to suggest that some parents try to undermine their children's relationship with the other parent, typically the noncustodial parent, by making false statements about that other parent, most often in the form of abuse allegations.  In fact, actor Alec Baldwin made that claim about his own child custody case in a recent interview with Diane Sawyer.

"PAS is being used by some abusers as a tactic to demonize parents' attempts to protect their children from abuse, denying victims of domestic violence justice in the courts.  The fact that some parents behave badly in ordinary cases is no reason to ignore real abuse when it is presented to the court," also stated Else.

Joan Meier, DV LEAP's Executive Director, said, "PAS was invented to defeat child abuse claims - and it has been remarkably successful in misleading family courts into believing that women who are sincerely trying to protect their children and themselves from abuse, are just seeking to end the children's relationship with their noncustodial father."

According to NNEDV, DV LEAP, SFV, and NCADV, victims of domestic violence face a surprisingly uphill battle in family court to win custody of and safety for their children.  All too often, courts award custody and unsupervised visitation to parents found to have committed domestic abuse. Many courts handling custody cases do not understand the dynamics of domestic violence and fail to properly factor in the impact of abuse when considering the best interests of the child.

"The most important factor judges should be weighing in making custody decisions is the safety of the mother and children, and the introduction of PAS overshadows this critical need for safety," said Rita Smith, Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Meier states that research has shown that children become "alienated" from a parent for a variety of valid reasons, most often resulting from the parent's own negative behavior and relationship with that child.

"The proponents of 'parental alienation syndrome' are purveying invalid junk science is not even legally admissible.   PAS has been emphatically rejected by the Presidential Task Force of the American Psychological Association and by the National Council of Juvenile & Family Court Judges. Leading researchers in the field of custody have agreed that PAS has no scientific validity and the only courts to address the issue have found it inadmissible," said Meier.

"With the increased media attention surrounding the release of Alec Baldwin's book, it is important to let the public know that victims of domestic violence are being silenced through the use of 'parental alienation syndrome.'  We cannot afford to consign thousands of children to unsafe custody or visitation with abusive parents because family courts have come to believe that abuse allegations mean nothing more than a campaign of alienation," said Else. 

Help Your Children Live With Separation & Divorce - Grow Up So Your Children Can

This is incredible advice and since we can all always use a little reminder regarding, I'm copy/pasting it here...

(While again, strongly noting that abusive situations follow an entirely different set of rules, this although good advice could very well be extremely dangerous for those dealing with an abuser, protection must always be safeguarded and at the first and forefront.)

BOTH parents in your children's lives is vital. What is even more important is that you back off and stop to think of how you are using your children to hurt the other parent. If you are in this category I strongly suggest you seek professional advise as you are damaging your children and hurting yourself. Divorces can be bitter, but what gives you the right to use your children as pawns to get what you want, hurt the other parent and inevitably prolong your children's healing. Contact with the other parent can be very painful and that's one reason why parents need to rely on friends and other support networks to work through difficult feelings. Remember, too, that time can be a great healer.
However difficult it may be, working together as parents while you are separating as a couple is so very important that it takes priority in the steps of your children's health and well-being. When children are involved, your divorce ends the marriage, not the family. Your relationship as parents continues and you as the adults have to ensure your children that you are the responsible adults and will do everything in your power to create a successful future.

The key task for parents as your marriage/relationship ends is to work toward building a cooperative parenting arrangement that:
- NEVER uses your children as pawns
- Always ensure that your children are seeing the other parent regularly
- Protect your children from adult conflict
- Encourage a positive happy relationship with the co-parent
- Model to your children a nurturing behavior
- Always provide your children with a stable and secure environment
- NEVER speak ill of the other parent ever when the children could hear
- Remember actions speak louder than words...your children can feel the anger...this is no way to raise your children

Children are used as messengers to relay issues about money from one parent to the next. Being used as spies to find out what the other parent is doing, seeing and behaving. Bottom line is that your children should never be involved in any issues that are adult related. If you can't speak respectfully to the other parent when your children are around....then don't. Wait until they are safely out of hearing distance or use e-mail...do anything but arguing, speaking rudely and disrespectful. This beats down your children's spirit and soul. They are a part of each parent. When you run down your children's other parent you are running a part of them down...and believe it that is exactly how they feel. This leads to your children having to lead two lives and eliminates truthful communication with you. They don't want to hurt you by saying they had fun at daddy's for fear something cruel about the other parent will come out of your mouth. They will feel guilty about loving the other parent for fear you will feel hurt...get over it. Your children have a right to love and have fun with the other parent. Would you rather they didn't? Who would this satisfy? Most children are resilient and highly adaptive. With care and nurturing, your children will adapt to separation and the new family arrangements. However, if your children witness a lot of ongoing parental conflict such as their parents shouting or threatening each other, their emotional development can be damaged. This is plain cruel.

Keeping adult conflicts away from your children is one of the most important things you can do. In particular, using your children as a way to punish the other parent is especially destructive for children of all ages. Parents who use their children as a way to hurt the other parent use all sorts of damaging behaviors, such as denying the other parent's access to the children, telling your children about the other parent's faults, or lying about the other parent's actions or behaviors. No exception, these tactics damage your child's health and well-being much more than the other parent and it stalls you from moving on.

Your children will do best after separation and divorce when both parents remain involved in their lives. Both the mother and father are important to your children for emotional support, protection, guidance, gender identity and their basic trust and confidence in themselves and in the world. Parents play a valuable role in child rearing that must not be taken away from them. The only thing your children should be concentrating on after the separation/divorce is to develop a separate relationship with each parent, and to spend time with each of them.

It's common for a mother or father to have strong negative feelings about the other parent that she or he feels it is in the best interests of their children to prevent the other person from seeing them. Although you may feel this is being protective, it will harm your children's emotional growth and development. Sometimes continuing the parent-child relationship is not advisable for example, when there is child abuse, spousal abuse or severe psychiatric illness. Seek professional help to make arrangements that are in the best interests of your children.

Working together as parents means sharing responsibility for your children's care and developing a way of making decisions that affect their health, education and welfare. If you can't have a civilized relationship with the other parent, try to think of your relationship as having two parts. There is the part of the relationship, which caused and may still be causing anger, grief and anguish. The other part is the parental relationship, which will continue. It's in the best interest to make it workable for your children.

Do your best (whether or not the other parent is...it's better that your child has one parent that is working to make their lives better than none) to achieve some kind of workable relationship for your children. Try to:

1. Have respect for the other parents differences
2. Let the focus be the children, not on what the other parent has or is doing
3. Always settle disagreements through compromise
4. Avoid making assumptions about the other parent's intentions or actions
5. keep your agreements and promises (such as making child support payments on time, picking up and returning children on time).

Remember that the most important thing is that you are cooperating for your children's sake. Continue to keep conflict away from your children's ears and eyes. Eventually, your relationship with the other parent may become easier and you may develop a new understanding of each other.

One of the key ways to develop and maintain a good co-parenting relationship is to make a written parenting plan that is agreed upon by both parents. A plan has a number of advantages and can help ensure that the children are well cared for by both parents. A written agreement that outlines specific arrangements and understanding of responsibilities helps reduce assumptions and misunderstandings. Also, a lot of planning and organization goes into moving children from one household to another. For example, your child may want to take his fish with him, or needs a clean uniform for a game the next day. Managing these kinds of details requires planning. If you're organized, it can reduce the chances of arguing with the other parent over little things. Whatever the situation you find yourself in; there are always several options for resolving disputes. There are counselors, family mediators, and family lawyers who can help you choose the best course of action based on your particular situation. Some of the points have been repeated...they are worth repeating.

http://familyfinancialrescue.blogspot.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Laval_Denny

The Psalm of Survival

The following poem was written by Frank Ochberg, MD, founder of Gift from Within

Survivor Psalm
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was
not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight.
I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights.
I have reached the stage of
survivor and am no longer a
slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness
rather than hate.
I look forward with hope
rather than despair.
I may never forget, but I need
not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor.

Monday4 the Missing features Mystic Dawn Salazar, a "Sperm Donor" Abduction, PLEASE help bring Mystic Home!

This week's Monday4 the Missing features our Peace4 Loved One, Mystic...

Mystic Dawn Salazar, written by Holliston of Zero Gossip

Take a look at Mystic (pronounced Mystique) Dawn Salazar. She may very well be in your neighborhood but all is not well with this poor little girl. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children list her as missing by way of "family abduction." Her biological father, Enrique Arreolo-Lopez and his wife Melissa snatched her from a stable family environment to a life on the run. It all went down in Mesa County, Colorado on August 17. That's the last day Jennifer Davis, the woman Mystic knows as "mom" saw the 6-year-old. 

Complicated and convoluted doesn't begin to explain the young girl's life. She was born May 23, 2002. Her mother Twalla is the ex-wife of Jennifer's husband Amie. According to Jennifer, Twalla made an arrangement with Enrique after getting out of prison to get pregnant with the hopes of getting Amie back into her life--a "no strings attached" bio dad. Twalla did get pregnant but her attempt at getting Amie back didn't work. At the same time, Jennifer was also pregnant. She arranged her pre-natal visits around Twalla's so she could drive her to and from the doctors. 

When Mystic was born, Twalla brought her directly to Jennifer. While Twalla didn't give up custody, she would frequently bring the baby over to be cared for by Jennifer and Amie, who assumed the dad role in her life. Two years later, Twalla's parole ended and, according to Jennifer, started to disappear for stretches of time. "She'd drop her off in the morning and say she'd be back after work to pick Mystic up and then we wouldn't see her for days or weeks. In April 2007, I got a call from Twalla saying she had been arrested and was in jail. Mystic had been living with us full time the past 4 months." At the time, Mystic was 4 and Twalla had already signed over power of attorney's to us giving us guardianship for 6 month periods of time. And then she'd disappear. But we never thought twice because to us, Mystic is family, she's our daughter."

Twalla remained in jail for 6 months. "When she was released, we filed a petition for custody with the courts. Twalla had been arrested for aggrevated assault and we couldn't have Mystic living in that environment. At that point, we didn't know the bio dad's name. We knew nothing about him. Twalla said that her arrangement with him was to get her pregnant and that he'd never be a part of Mystic's life. She also said he had been deported to Mexico. When we filed the petition, we found out he hadn't been deported and was still working at the restaurant where he met Twalla. This man, of course, is Enrique Arreolo-Lopez and he was married and had a son. In fact, Twalla filed a child support petition against him and was collecting thousands while Mystic was in the care of Jennifer and Amie. Eventhough he was paying, Enrique never tried to see Mystic."

In February 2008, Jennifer and Amie went before a judge for the first time to get custody. "The judge granted Twalla visitation which included 2 hours for lunch and 2 hours for dinner 'at her discretion'. Enrique was to have no contact with Mystic until he had parenting introduction therapy. After that, if he chose to see Mystic, it had to be during a supervised therapeutic session. A legal representative was appointed to the child by the judge."

In April, Mystic met Enrique for the first time--an hour and a half session with a therapist. "For some reason, the therapist found it necessary to include Twalla in the session, but I was not allowed to be in the building," Jennifer said.  There were three other sessions and then the counselor agreed to allow unsupervised visits. 

"On the very first unsupervised visit with Enrique, they brought Mystic home wrapped in a fleece coat wearing a t-shirt and nothing else. They said she peed her pants during the visit. As they (Enrique and his wife, Melissa) were taking her out of the car in front of our house, with neighbors standing around, Melissa yelled, 'Maybe next time we can have a change of clean clothes in case she pees herself again.' Mystic looked mortified."

Enrique would take Mystic for about 9 hours on Sundays. "When she'd come home, she'd be withdrawn and would get aggressive with the other kids," Jennifer said.
 

All 5 Salazar children last Christmas (Mystic is girl on the right)

In all likelihood, Mystic Salazar is relatively safe. This is not a high profile missing children's case like Caylee Anthony in Florida. But relatively safe and safe are two different things. Mystic was abducted by her biological father--a man who had nothing to do with her for most of her life. And Jennifer Davis, the woman Mystic knows as mom is trying desperately to find her. While a judge says Mystic should be with Jennifer and her husband Amie in Mesa County, Colorado, law enforcement disagrees. Why? Because the bio dad, Enrique Arreolo-Lopez fled before he was served with the legal papers. And no one knows where he is.

The courts did grant Enrique and his wife Melissa visitation rights and those visits affected 6-year-old Mystic. "She would have nightmares after visits," Jennifer said. "She'd come into our room and crawl into bed with us. And that was not typical of Mystic. Sometimes she'd come home after a visit and was starving." At just 3'3 and 35 pounds, Jennifer said Mystic typically "eats like a bird." "On two different occasions, she came back from 9 hour visits saying she didn't eat at all. She said it was because her other daddy said there wasn't enough money for food today." Following those visits, Mystic would come home and eat as much as she usually ate in a day in one sitting. She was that hungry. 

"We would tell the counselor this and telling him something wasn't right. Instead the counselor pushed for more visits. Another counselor pushed for Mystic to spend Labor Day Weekend with Enrique. Enrique had been providing the counselor with pictures of a smiling Mystic. We saw the pictures and pointed out they were from Chucky Cheese. What child isn't going to have a good time there? Another picture was at her birthday party where she was given a lot of gifts. We pointed out to the counselor that they were the Disneyland parents. They get to come in and do all the fun stuff for one day. But they don't deal with the day to day life." 

It would get worse.

"Shortly before they took her, she came home from a visit with a red mark across her throat. This was during a visit they weren't supposed to have. They showed up unannounced at Mystic's baseball game and freaked her out. She started screaming and crying. She told Amie she didn't want to go, holding onto him. Enrique and Melissa were trying to force her to go. So we compromised. We asked Mystic if it would be ok if they all had lunch together. After lunch I walked Mystic over to Enrique's car and told her it would be ok and to go have fun with daddy. Later that afternoon, when they returned her to us, she had what looked like a ligature mark across her throat. I asked her what happened and she said, 'mommy, I don't know.' She said she forgot. You could tell she was real shy about it. I called Enrique when Mystic was out of earshot and Melissa answered the phone. She wouldn't let me talk to him. I asked her what happened and she said Mystic didn't have that mark when she was dropped off. We took pictures and gave them to the counselor and the attorneys involved with her case. Nothing happened."

In early August, the attorney assigned to Mystic came to Jennifer and Amie's for a home visit. While he was there, Twalla showed up to pick up Mystic for lunch. The attorney told her that she could only take Mystic for lunch but not dinner because it was too much for her. 

"When Twalla brought Mystic back after lunch she said she would be back for dinner," Jennifer said. "When I reminded her what the attorney said, she cussed me out and said I screwed up and would never see Mystic again. The next day, Enrique had his visit with Mystic. Things were kind of weird because they showed up in a new vehicle--a minivan. When they dropped her off at our meeting place near a grocery store, they pulled around to a gas station and left their van near the pumps where we couldn't see it. They walked Mystic across the parking lot to me. The very next weekend, August 17, Mystic freaked out while I tried to get her ready to go for her weekly visit. She was screaming and crying and refused to get into the shower. She cried the whole way from our house to the store where we were meeting Enrique. The visit was supposed to be from 9:30 to 5:30. I showed up at 9:20 and we sat there waiting. I sat in the back of our van with Mystic holding her because she was crying. I was trying to reassure her that she would go and have fun. At 9:45, I decided to pull away figuring Enrique wasn't going to show. Then I had second thoughts because I thought that if I prevented the visit, we'd lose Mystic. So I stopped and waited for about another 10-15 minutes. Then Enrique came walking up with his son Manuel. There was no vehicle in sight. He said Melissa was at the counselor's signing papers. I had to literally pry Mystic's arms off of me because she was screaming that she didn't want to go. Enrique walked away with her and Mystic turned back to me a yelled, 'mommy, I love you can I have a hug?' Enrique let her give me a hug and I told her I loved her and that when she came home, we'd get ready for her first day of school the next day. They walked away and that was the last time I've seen her."

That night, Jennifer returned to the meeting place to pick up Mystic. She waited from 5:25 until 7:55. "I waited. I didn't leave that spot. I called Enrique's phone and it went straight to voicemail. I called the attorney and the counselor emergency number. I finally got a call back from the counselor's business partner and she said the counselor had been out of town for the past couple of days. What we found out later was that Melissa had dropped off her two children with their dad because he had custody. He said when she dropped them off, the van they were driving was loaded down with their stuff. They told him they were moving to Texas and they'd be back every 6 weeks to see the kids. She said she was going to nursing school. We also found out that although she had been telling people she was a nurse and worked in a doctors' office, she was, in fact, a receptionist, not a nurse. We also found out she had been arrested 10 years ago for shoplifting and using her children to do it which is why she lost custody."



The Mesa County Sheriff's Office doesn't think a crime was committed. "They said, because Enrique is her biological father, he has every right to have her. When we showed them the minute orders from court, the deputy asked me 'how do I know you didn't type that up on your own computer?' I couldn't believe it. There was a possible sighting of Mystic in town back in September. When I called the sheriff's office, they said there was no crime and they couldn't do anything. Mystic's court appointed attorney won't return our calls."

Two days after Enrique vanished with Mystic, the court issued an order that authorizes law enforcement to turn Mystic over to Jennifer and Amie if she's found and granting legal custody to them. "Law enforcement here in town say it's not valid," Jennifer said. "Because Enrique hasn't been served with it."

Enrique, as you recall, fled town and no one knows where he is. So, a technicality, and lack of common sense is keeping Mystic on the run. Jennifer, Amie and her family aren't sitting back. They are doing all they can trying to overcome the law enforcement obstacles and trying to find their little girl. Without the help of police makes it that much more difficult. 

You can help if you spot her. Call any of these numbers immediately and help get Mystic home where she belongs.

L.E.A. - Mesa County Sheriff Dept.
Telephone Number - (970) 244-3500

ID Info - Mystic is a bi-racial, white/Hispanic female, 3' 3" tall, weighs 35 pounds, has straight light brown hair and green eyes. She has a silver bottom tooth, and her ears are pierced.

Circumstances - Mystic may be in the company of her non-custodial father, an adult female, and a male child. They may be traveling in a gold 2000 Chrysler Voyager with Colorado license plates 355SGZ.

If you see this missing child or know where he or she is located, please contact the Child Protection Education of America, Inc. at (866)USA-CHILD or the law enforcement agency above. Please join us on Peace4 the Missing Beautifully written by Holliston of ZeroGossip.Com