30 May, 2009

Abusive Relationships Are Dangerous
by Susan Murphy Milano

I can discuss and list for you all the dynamics in a dangerous abusive relationship until the cows come home. That is not going to help you in your present situation. If you are to be a “success survivor,” obtaining the tools and knowledge required will only take place when you too have decided that your life is important.

What will it take for you to realize your own self-worth? How long will you wait for you "wake-up call"? Will you even live to see it? Escape doesn't wait...

Does your day end with gnawing doubts of being able to awaken the next in one piece?

Has your home become your cage? Your "haven" a prison?

Do you constantly worry about who will watch your children when the day he decides to extinguish your life inevitably arrives?

Do you see yourself in all those women that you read about on the Internet, or see on News, who also, like you, fear or once feared for their own lives too?

If you dare yourself to really look at the reality of their demise and the deathly path you're on, you'll see just how terrifyingly similar you really are to them. They went missing or were killed by the same type of person you are with right now.

Just how often do you feel that terrifying lump in your throat brought on by your constant "in real life" horror of the "what ifs" lying ahead.

Those women you read about, along with a thousand others, at this very second are bathing, living, breathing and fearing everything you are, right now. Everyone knows this abuser; he is loved by so many. He has friends in high places. Maybe he is a lawyer or a police officer, serves on the military, or perhaps the quiet, helpful mechanic on any neighborhood street. Regardless of the varying occupations of each particular abuser, they all contain the same type of knowledge...to know your every fear, to play on your every weakness, because you let them…

Over time you have learned the hard way what happens when you step out of line, when you don't exactly follow what you've been told to do. Maybe you offered your opinion during a discussion at a public gathering or in private. He didn't like that, did he? You paid for it when you returned home.

What about the days you do not feel like being "handled" by this person and dare withdraw from their very touch? When you say “no” or “I am tired,” what price do you pay?

How many times have you been told you are worthless? If you think about it for a moment, you cannot be that bad. If you were, then why is he with you? Did you ever ask yourself that question?

Right now, as long as you are living with the abuse, you are not taking seriously the value of who you are as a person. If you have children, as long as you are still with their father, you are not taking care of them. Living in this environment is making your children very sick. Your wellness is their wellness.

While there are many similarities and many things that abused women share in common, my experience as both a child brought up in such a violent environment as well as from working with countless of those overwhelmed with the violence in their own lives also tells me that, just like our own individual fingerprints, so too there are never any cases or violent relationships that are ever the same.

The danger and circumstances you are facing are as specific as your abusive partner’s own DNA and the dangers are "life or death" real. Life up until now has been no different than that of a soldier remaining in combat. You are tired of fighting the daily war, the tears and the bloodshed. You have been told by your mate that they would change and things would be different, or that they were sorry as they begged to be forgiven, one, more, time.

Did you ever stop and ask yourself, “Why do they need more time?” Does your abusive partner need more time to continue manipulating and making excuses for his explosive violent outbursts?

Does he need more time to stalk and follow you to plan out their next move, a move which very well could cost you your life? It is time for you to take charge. You have no more time. You have only one option: to get out safely, going as far away as you can.

I know...I know because I've lived it, I know because strategic abuse escape plans are what I have dedicated my very own life to. The pain I've lived, the insight I've gained, the knowledge I possess, the words that I pen...I write for you. Because there is a plan, there is a way out and there is a peaceful, safe life ahead.

Please don't force yourself to take this journey alone. Both of my books shown above are available at your local library and on Amazon.com. You're also able to immediately purchase and download the ebook version of "Moving out, Moving on" on my website.

I suggest that if you are in a relationship that is dangerous, the best new start begins by knowing the steps you have to take along your freedom journey.

For more information and safety strategies, I'd also like to invite you to listen LIVE each week to the Susan Murphy Milano show as well as anytime in its archived podcasts.

Susan Murphy Milano's Journal
Published Author, Advocate and Abusive Relationship Safety Strategist.........
"Holding up the lantern of light, strength and hope for those who have been affected by crime."

"Can't Live Without You":Can Lead To Murder

Susan Murphy Milano's Journal: "Can't Live Without You":Can Lead To Murder

When a husband or a former love interest hints of death or writes words specific to you that you feel are threatening, take immediation safety precautions.

If you are going through a divorce make sure your attorney is aware of any threatening communication. If you cannot obtain a criminal order of protection because there is not enough evidence then seek a civil order of protection.

The road to leaving is often not easy. You are riddled with fear and guilt with each step you take because you have been pre-programed by the abuser to think and feel less than the person you have become due to the abuse in the relationship.

Susan Murphy Milano's Journal
Published Author, Advocate and Abusive Relationship Safety Strategist......... "Holding up the lantern of light, strength and hope for those who have been affected by crime."

23 May, 2009

Peace4's Maureen LIVE this Sunday Night on the Levi Page Show!

Peace4's Maureen LIVE this Sunday Night on the Levi Page Show!

The Levi Page Show

Levi Page Show

Date / Time: 5/24/2009 10:00 PM

Category: Current Events

Call-in Number: (347) 838-9781

Prosecutor Robin Sax weighs in on the latest news in the arrest of former police sergeant Drew Peterson accused of murdering his 3rd wife Kathleen Savio and staging her death to make it look like an accidental drowning! His 4th wife Stacy Peterson vanished in 2007 and Drew is the main suspect. Also, Jaemi Levine of "Mothers Against Predators" joins us to discuss how to protect children from online predators and the tragic story of her daughter who fell victim to a online child terrorist! Maureen Reintjes stops by to tell us the shocking story of her missing beloved husband that she thought was dead, that resurfaced after mysteriously vanishing four years ago!

Please join us at Peace4 the Missing
Missing Persons Awareness and Support Network

18 May, 2009

Every Smack is a Humiliation - A Manifesto

by Alice Miller

Many researchers have already proved that corporal punishment on children may indeed produce obedience in the short term but will have serious negative consequences on their character and behavior. Only if there was at least one single person who loved and understood the child, the disastrous development toward later crimes and illnesses could be prevented. During their whole childhood, dictators like Hitler, Stalin or Mao never came across such a helping witness. They learned very early to glorify cruelty and hypocrisy and to justify them while committing crimes on millions of people. Millions of others, because also exposed to physical maltreatment in childhood, helped them to do so without the slightest remorse.

Children should not be the scapegoats of adults' painful experiences. The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effects is still widespread because we got this message very early from our parents who had taken it over from their own parents. This conviction helped the child to minimize his suffering and to endure it. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely our numbness as well as the lack of sensitivity for our children's pain. The result of the broad dissemination of this damage is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of seemingly harmless "correction". Many parents still think: What didn't hurt me can't hurt my child. They don't realize that their conclusion is wrong because they never challenged their assumption.

When in Sweden legislation laws prohibiting corporal punishment were launched in 1978, 70% of the citizens asked for their opinion were against it. In 1997, the figure had dropped to 10%. These statistics show that the mentality of the Swedish population has radically changed in the course of a mere 20 years. A destructive tradition of millennia has been done away with thanks to this legislation.

It is imperative to launch legislation prohibiting corporal punishment all over the world. It does not set out to incriminate anyone but is designed to have a protective and informative function for parents. Sanctions could simply take the form of the obligation for parents to internalize information on the consequences of corporal punishment available today. Information on the "well-meant smack" should therefore be broadcasted to all, since unconscious education to violence takes its roots very early and inflicts disastrous imprints. The vital interests of society as a whole are at stake.

17 May, 2009

Your Love is Hate

A battered woman's letter to her mate. By Simonne Liberty.


"You call the shots" is what you say

everything must be your way

Everything I do, I do for you

and you always expect me to

I sacrifice and go without for you

everything I do is to try and please you

there is never a "we" or "us" in your plan

you do what you want and I "better understand"

you dare me to try and get my way

so you can beat me and make me pay

your fists are your controlling tools

making you the master who rules

your cruel, cold lies are destroying my life

I have become sorry I became your wife

I have become your human punching bag

and I'm feeling like a useless old hag

I have no life of my own

I am your prisoner in my own home

you enjoy me being terrified of you

and you keep me that way in all you do

I am your hostage to torture at will

I'm your victim you desire to kill

you say "you're sorry and really care,"

those lies have been keeping me there

as soon as you see I've believed you again

you burn back into committing the same old sin

Your idea of love is to hurt and control

feeding your ego with violence as being bold

you can't understand or see

how your actions are killing me

how would you act if I did this to you?

I wish that you only knew

I don't believe that you will ever stop

because you always need to be on top

it crushes your sensitivity

to treat me kind, loving and gently

"Love begets love" is what is said

but your violence makes love dead

you are tearing up all I have to give

by not allowing me to safely live

I've given up on all the questions of why

because I can see you'll never try

you express your love in violence and hate

I need to leave you before it's too late

you will never understand me

because control by violence is all you see

I feel sorry for you

I truly and really do

because the hate you inflict on me

is the hate for yourself you can't see

you refuse to accept the evil you do

blaming me and others for what YOU do

you're destroying yourself sure and true

and I refuse to go down with you

you have no right to beat and control me

I deserve to be loved and fear free

your hate called love, is the reason why

I am forced to bid you a FINAL GOOD BYE!

09 May, 2009

Susan Murphy Milano's Journal: Domestic Violence Does Not Take A Holiday!

Susan Murphy Milano's Journal: Domestic Violence Does Not Take A Holiday!

Today is National Domestic Violence Awareness Day. To me that sounds rather odd. Highlighting a specific day of awareness for crime's affecting millions of women and children across the country? When in fact, domestic violence, stalking and murder never takes a holiday. It happens 365 days a year. I would like to see days, weeks and months involving a national awareness action program.


Susan Murphy Milano

Author, Speaker, Consultant
Expert Source of Abuse Exit Plans

Look for Susan’s upcoming book, Time’s Up; A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships” to be released Summer of 2009.

Check the time, it’s UP, do not hesitate to claim your ticket towards a lifetime of freedom from of abuse and visit Susan’s site for lifesaving advice, inspiration and clear directions , including her vital and impacting, currently available resource, “Moving out, Moving on.”

The Susan Murphy Milano Show airs each Wednesday afternoon at 4pm EST, a must hear source for all those affected by the painful cruelty of a life abused.

Contact: ImaginePublicity

08 May, 2009

The Children of Drew Peterson Become Knockout Victims

by Dr. Dathan Paterno

Most people are aware that Drew Peterson was arrested Thursday for the murder of his third wife, Kathleen Savio. The arrest comes more than five years after her death. Understandably, the media pay very little attention to their two teenage children or to the two pre-school children he had with his fourth wife Stacy, who disappeared in 2007 and whom many believe Peterson also killed. While preferring not to drag the children into the media spotlight, it can be useful to consider their plight throughout this ordeal.

How does all of this affect them? Can we even begin to comprehend the trauma that has been foisted on the most unwilling victims of this twisted, evil drama? The combination of emotional and psychospiritual crises that follow are like a defenseless boxer suffering a punishing combination of violent blows, with no referee to mercilessly end the fight.

The first blow for each child was the death of their mother. If this were not traumatic enough, the circumstances surrounding their deaths or disappearance are shrouded in mystery and grave suspicion. Not only does trauma stunt emotional growth, essentially freezing the child at that particular stage of development, but the death of a parent raises all kinds of intense existential questions. Children are ill-equipped to answer those questions or to get themselves unstuck developmentally.

The second blow comes when they realize that a great many people—including their mom’s families, many in the media, and state prosecutors—hold their father responsible for these deaths. They now have to live with the fact that most people perceive their father as a serial wife murderer. Combine this with the developmental fact that children implicitly trust their parents and one can understand how the children are facing a crisis of reality testing:

“How can I believe he is innocent when so many are convinced otherwise?”

“What if Dad really did murder Mom like they say?”

“If my father lied to me all of these years, can I believe anything or anyone?”

At some point, each is likely to descend into an abyss of doubt surrounding their entire perception of reality. It is hard to imagine anything more frightening.

The third punishing blow arrives from the knowledge that their peers know that their mother was murdered and that the prime suspect was just removed from their home. Any volunteers for a play-date at the Petersons? I think not. And what parent would allow their daughter to go to prom with the kid whose dad whacked his mom and his step-mom? These children will likely struggle with unimaginable, albeit utterly undeserved shame and embarrassment.

Fourth, these children will inevitably face the question of their own capacity for evil, even murder. Regrettably, Drew Peterson was and continues to be his children’s primary role model. His boys instinctively want to be like him; they also innately know this to be true. “If Dad was capable of murder, am I too?”

How in the world can these innocent children possibly endure such an onslaught of trauma? First, it is impossible to expect them to survive without significant emotional pathology. Depression, extreme anxiety, confusion, poor school performance, irritability, and even altered states of reality testing would all be utterly normal for children suffering as they are. Everyone around them—including mental health professionals—must avoid diagnosing their suffering and focus on normalizing their experience and set of responses to their traumatic experiences.

Second, many children possess astounding resilience in the face of trauma. Consider the survivors of Auschwitz; many of them are amazingly healthy. There seems to be an innate quality in some people of bouncing back from trauma. Some even rise above their trauma by working with others who experience trauma. One example is Susan Murphy-Milano, whose police officer father brutally murdered his wife in front of her. She has become a fierce defender of victims’ rights and a nationally recognized women’s advocate. Perhaps some of the Peterson children will possess this elusive quality.

Third, these children must have a network of extended family with Herculean strength, resolve, compassion, patience, and wisdom. They must replace both their mothers and their father in modeling justice, truth, love, honesty, and understanding. They must be able to balance the need to offer truth to the children—in doses they can handle—with a fierce instinct to protect them from the depth of the harsh realities involved in this narrative. They must also be prepared to answer the inevitable existential questions that will come. “Why did my dad murder my mom?” “Why did God allow him to do that?”

Finally, someone should suggest to the teenage boys that as soon as they turn 18, they appeal to a judge to change their last name. It just isn’t good for them to be Petersons anymore.

Dr. Dathan Paterno is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Park Ridge, IL. He can be contacted at drpaterno@prpsych.com.

He is also the author of the soon to be released Parenting Book,"Desperately Seeking Parents."

Susan Murphy Milano

Author, Speaker, Consultant

Expert Source of Abuse Exit Plans



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