by Susan Murphy Milano
I can discuss and list for you all the dynamics in a dangerous abusive relationship until the cows come home. That is not going to help you in your present situation. If you are to be a “success survivor,” obtaining the tools and knowledge required will only take place when you too have decided that your life is important.
What will it take for you to realize your own self-worth? How long will you wait for you "wake-up call"? Will you even live to see it? Escape doesn't wait...
Does your day end with gnawing doubts of being able to awaken the next in one piece?
Has your home become your cage? Your "haven" a prison?
Do you constantly worry about who will watch your children when the day he decides to extinguish your life inevitably arrives?
Do you see yourself in all those women that you read about on the Internet, or see on News, who also, like you, fear or once feared for their own lives too?
If you dare yourself to really look at the reality of their demise and the deathly path you're on, you'll see just how terrifyingly similar you really are to them. They went missing or were killed by the same type of person you are with right now.
Just how often do you feel that terrifying lump in your throat brought on by your constant "in real life" horror of the "what ifs" lying ahead.
Those women you read about, along with a thousand others, at this very second are bathing, living, breathing and fearing everything you are, right now. Everyone knows this abuser; he is loved by so many. He has friends in high places. Maybe he is a lawyer or a police officer, serves on the military, or perhaps the quiet, helpful mechanic on any neighborhood street. Regardless of the varying occupations of each particular abuser, they all contain the same type of knowledge...to know your every fear, to play on your every weakness, because you let them…
Over time you have learned the hard way what happens when you step out of line, when you don't exactly follow what you've been told to do. Maybe you offered your opinion during a discussion at a public gathering or in private. He didn't like that, did he? You paid for it when you returned home.
What about the days you do not feel like being "handled" by this person and dare withdraw from their very touch? When you say “no” or “I am tired,” what price do you pay?
How many times have you been told you are worthless? If you think about it for a moment, you cannot be that bad. If you were, then why is he with you? Did you ever ask yourself that question?
Right now, as long as you are living with the abuse, you are not taking seriously the value of who you are as a person. If you have children, as long as you are still with their father, you are not taking care of them. Living in this environment is making your children very sick. Your wellness is their wellness.
While there are many similarities and many things that abused women share in common, my experience as both a child brought up in such a violent environment as well as from working with countless of those overwhelmed with the violence in their own lives also tells me that, just like our own individual fingerprints, so too there are never any cases or violent relationships that are ever the same.
The danger and circumstances you are facing are as specific as your abusive partner’s own DNA and the dangers are "life or death" real. Life up until now has been no different than that of a soldier remaining in combat. You are tired of fighting the daily war, the tears and the bloodshed. You have been told by your mate that they would change and things would be different, or that they were sorry as they begged to be forgiven, one, more, time.
Did you ever stop and ask yourself, “Why do they need more time?” Does your abusive partner need more time to continue manipulating and making excuses for his explosive violent outbursts?
Does he need more time to stalk and follow you to plan out their next move, a move which very well could cost you your life? It is time for you to take charge. You have no more time. You have only one option: to get out safely, going as far away as you can.
I know...I know because I've lived it, I know because strategic abuse escape plans are what I have dedicated my very own life to. The pain I've lived, the insight I've gained, the knowledge I possess, the words that I pen...I write for you. Because there is a plan, there is a way out and there is a peaceful, safe life ahead.
Please don't force yourself to take this journey alone. Both of my books shown above are available at your local library and on Amazon.com. You're also able to immediately purchase and download the ebook version of "Moving out, Moving on" on my website.
I suggest that if you are in a relationship that is dangerous, the best new start begins by knowing the steps you have to take along your freedom journey.
For more information and safety strategies, I'd also like to invite you to listen LIVE each week to the Susan Murphy Milano show as well as anytime in its archived podcasts.
- Susan Murphy Milano's Journal
- Published Author, Advocate and Abusive Relationship Safety Strategist.........
- "Holding up the lantern of light, strength and hope for those who have been affected by crime."