23 April, 2009

How do you split a box of memories, the attics of your life?

What’s to be done with boxes of memories, of death and failure that scream so loud when lids are opened? (When were we this happy?) 

There I am in white, a ring of flowers in my hair, nestled in my long curls, each one having been twirled into place by my sister, so careful was she to get it just right. She told me later how abandoned she felt, me leaving her behind when we’d been having such fun. 

But everyone gets caught up in the joy of a wedding, even when it’s two kids practically running away from home, using each other as life preservers. My mother threw her hands up, my father said nothing. But in the end, they helped and supported me and treated by husband like family.

Unconditional love. Despite alcoholic dysfunctions and times of great poverty, I always felt their unconditional love. I always knew I could go home. And when I did, kids and lots and lots of stuff in tow, they were only too happy to have us.

Now my son’s left home in the big yellow rental truck and his attic bedroom will become something else. There’s already someone waiting to use it (such is the case of a large Irish family). And all those cubby closets filled with boxes are being emptied and scattered across my living room and kitchen. 

So many boxes. So many memories.  How do you split a wedding album? A book of honeymoon pictures? Of matching t-shirts and bandanas and seashells? 

How to divide baby books and calendars, baptismal gowns and booties? And her things? Her baby book that stops at age 2. Hair ribbons and sneakers, snugglies and nookies. A birth certificate. And death certificate.

So much of divorce is ugly. And expensive. So full of regret and failure over not having been able to get it right. But this part, these boxes and memories that can’t be split … there are no words for it. There’s no expense or failure, regret or ugliness. There are only memories boxed away. And no solution.

15 April, 2009

Abused Women, why do they stay?

Who Needs Counseling? 
Counseling is sometimes perceived as a "last resort," rather than a valuable source of help.

Changed or Not Changed? 
If you're in an abusive relationship, here are some signs indicating whether he has or has not changed his ways.

Helping a Domestic Violence Victim
If you know someone who might be a victim of domestic violence, here's how you can help.

How to Be an Anchor in the Storm 
One of the reasons a battered woman is finally able to leave an abusive relationship is because she has someone who acts as her anchor in the storm. Here are some ideas that may help you help someone else.

How to Help an Abused Wife 
When an abused woman reveals her life with you, you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg. Here how to help someone who is experiencing domestic violence.

Question and Answer

Why do abused women often stay, rather than just flee the situation?

The answer given in the 1920s to this question was that battered women were of low intelligence or mentally retarded. In the '40s it was determined that women did not leave because they were masochistic.

Click here to continue reading Answer

13 April, 2009

When Your Life Depends on it...


A hand, a voice, a guide...ready and waiting for you...reaching out, pulling you up, your very own "guardian angel"...there for you...



Susan Murphy Milano's Website

To book Susan for a Speaking Engagement or Media Appearance, please contact ImaginePublicity at imaginepublicity@gmail.com

Family violence victim advocate, author Susan Murphy Milano

Family violence victim advocate, author Susan Murphy Milano

August 6, 2008 · 1 Comment

Susan Murphy Milano

I had the great fortune to speak by phone today with family violence victim advocate and abusive relationship safety strategist Susan Murphy Milano, the highly-respected author of “Defending Our Lives,” Getting Away from Domestic Violence & Staying Safe plus “Moving Out Moving On,” When A Relationship Goes Wrong.

Since Susan and I belong to the same club of witnessing the deaths of our parents, we are interested in helping each other and learning from one another to advance our mutual cause.

Since 1990 Susan has been a tireless family violence educator and advocate for victims, helping to bring domestic violence issues to the forefront across Illinois. She was instrumental in the passage of the 1993 Illinois anti-stalking law and has constantly argued for the rights of battered women and children, through legislation and media interviews.

Susan’s quest for justice began In January of 1989 when Susan’s father, a Chicago Violent Crimes Detective, murdered her mother and then took his own life. That very night, after discovering their bodies, she vowed to change the way society viewed domestic violence and broken relationships.

Her comments and opinions have been trumpeted across the pages of newspapers, magazines, radio and television, including: The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Radio, ABC’s 20/20, CBS 48 Hours, Nightline, CNN, Sunday Today Show Profile, Women’s Day, Family Circle Magazine, U.S. News and World Report to name only a few.

Susan is currently the host of her own BlogTalkRadio show on the War On Crime radio channel, and is developing a new program with a police officer and sex offender expert from California.

I’d encourage you to learn more about her and read her excellent blog at Susan Murphy Milano’s Journal.


Look for Susan’s upcoming book, “Time’s Up; A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships” to be released Summer of 2009.  


Check the time, it’s UP, do not hesitate to claim your ticket towards a lifetime of freedom from of abuse and visit Susan’s site  for lifesaving advice, inspiration and clear directions , including her vital and impacting, currently available resource, “Moving out, Moving on.”


The Susan Murphy Milano Show airs each Wednesday afternoon at 4pm EST, a must hear source for all those affected by the painful cruelty of a life abused.



--
Contact:
Sara Huizenga
Peki Jones
ImaginePublicity
imaginepublicity@gmail.com

Susan Murphy Milano -- Who do you call when the bad guy is a cop?

Susan Murphy Milano -- Who do you call when the bad guy is a cop?

November 8th on TRUE CRIMES -- Susan Murphy Milano

Listen live Saturday 2pm Pacific, 4pm Central, 5pm Eastern

It's the deep, dark secret within the rank and file of Law Enforcement Agencies across America: Some of the same officers who are supposed to be breaking up domestic disputes in this country are abusing their own wives and girlfriends. Many police departments continuing to look the other way.

Susan Murphy Milano said, "I am the daughter of a Chicago Violent Crimes Detective whose father murdered her mother before taking his own life. I will not rest until those who abuse and kill are held accountable

Recently I received a lot of emails and letters from women married to Law Enforcement Officers Across the Country with no place to turn for assistance. All because a husband or boyfriend was a respected law enforcement officer. There is no excuse for violence, especially in a police officers home."

Why aren't departments seeking a zero-tolerance policy on domestic violence committed by police officers? Is it too embarrassing?
Family members rarely come forward to report these crimes and if they do, they are often victimized even more by their abusive officer spouse or boyfriend.

" He was going to kill me. How can you let him keep his gun and stay on the street?" (Wife of Boston Police Officer)

" When a police department does not take action, we, the families of officers feel powerless and worried about our own lives and the safety of their kids. All this does is further victimize us, when will it end?" (Wife of a New York State Tropper)

Another Wife of an officer said "You know the words on the side of police cars "We Serve And Protect", let me tell you every time I see that I'm sick with grief. It doesn't apply to me. It should read, "hey, we serve and protect our own"!

Who do you call when your husband, the police officer, is beating the hell out of you?

Susan's quest for justice has been trumpeted across the pages of newspapers, magazines, radio and television, including:

 The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Radio, ABC's 20/20, CBS 48 Hours, Nightline, CNN, Sunday Today Show Profile, Women's Day, Family Circle Magazine, U.S. News and World Report to name only a few.

The Ultimate Media Appearance:  TRUE CRIMES with Burl Barer and Don Woldman!

 In 1993, she was instrumental in the passage of the Illinois stalking law and has constantly argued for the rights of battered women and children, both through legislation and through national television appearances and print media.

Susan also does a  show on blogspot radio, Justice Interrupted.

12 April, 2009

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

Addendum:
I've seen variations of the below text on MySpace.  It wasn't written specifically about this problem, but it struck me as a fairly accurate description of how impossible it is to interact with an emotional abuser.  (Damned if you do, damned if you don't.)

If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.
If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway.
If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy.
If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful.
If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over.
If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you.
If  you dress sexy, he says you're a slut.
If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad.
When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him.
If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it.
If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him,
If you don't, he says you don't trust him.
If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're bitching.
If he brings up a problem, he yells.
If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted".
If he breaks it, it's because "he had to".
If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you.
If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.

Take the Emotionally Abused Quiz

06 April, 2009

Susan Murphy Milano, Expert Relationship Strategist, Advocate, Author

Moving out, Moving on , is more then a simple workbook, but a true plan to take control of one’s life and face the future head on. This is not just another “divorce book” written by a so called “expert.”

Moving out, Moving on , is authored by a person who truly knows…Susan Murphy-Milano.



DOWNLOAD EBOOK HERE!

Seriously, if you, or anyone you know is going through the breakup of a relationship, this book can save you thousands and possibly your life!



Look for Susan’s upcoming book, “Time’s Up; A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships” to be released Summer of 2009.  


Check the time, it’s UP, do not hesitate to claim your ticket towards a lifetime of freedom from of abuse and visit Susan’s site  for lifesaving advice, inspiration and clear directions , including her vital and impacting, currently available resource, “Moving out, Moving on.”


The Susan Murphy Milano Show airs each Wednesday afternoon at 4pm EST, a must hear source for all those affected by the painful cruelty of a life abused.



--
Contact:
Sara Huizenga
Peki Jones
ImaginePublicity
imaginepublicity@gmail.com

05 April, 2009

The Links between Domestic Violence and Animal Abuse

I just read this article regarding the link between domestic violence and animal abuse, I have heard this before before so the entire concept of it was sadly not surprising, however I am floored at these statistics...71% of women bringing a pet to the Humane Society REPORT that they are abused.

Link to Article

If this many are honestly and bravely REPORTING it, how high actually is the number?

The speaker in the article has a great suggestion that DV abusers also be labeled as "unfit" to adopt a pet, I highly agree...and I would definately like to add to that notion that the Pet Abuser also be put on a highly likely to be a DV abuser as well...

So sad, do these numbers surprise anyone else as well?

04 April, 2009

Approaching Domestic Violence Prevention Creatively

Innovative Ideas to End Domestic Violence

Have a great idea for preventing domestic violence? The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation wants to hear about it.

In what is the first of three competitions they will sponsor this year on health and health care topics, they are soliciting ideas (not proposals) to help end domestic violence in the US. They have all of the buzz words in their announcement: open source, online, collaborative, make connections... I'm trying to figure out then why they have to add "It expects to draw entries from dozens of violence prevention programs - based in the U.S. and countries around the world..." Does that mean if I don't work in violence prevention I can't have a relevant innovative idea? Here are some of the entries already submitted.

Call it a nod to 'wisdom of crowds,' audience-generated content, or just good ol' fashioned competition, it's refreshing to see some experimentation with new ways of doing business and solving Big problems. Entries are being accepted until March 28th after you register on the Changemakers site. Judges will select the top dozen ideas and the Changemakers community will vote for the top three that will each receive $5,000 awards.

Back in the 1700s, prizes were a fairly common way to reward innovation..

http://socialmarketing.blogs.com/

03 April, 2009

Will they listen now?

Funeral for Woman and Sons Focuses on Domestic Violence

Hamil R. Harris attended the services yesterday for Erika Peters and her boys Erik and Dakota, who were all slain last month allegedly by Peters live-in boyfriend. Mayor Adrian M. Fenty and Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton were among the political leaders who attended the services, which highlighted the problems of domestic violence. Read Harris's full report here.

By Marcia Davis |  April 2, 2009; 6:50 AM ET  | Category:  City Life 

Too Afraid

'Too Afraid'

Three more deaths demonstrate the need for more effective tools against domestic violence.

VIDEO
Residents of Carver Terrace held a candlelight for Erika Peters and two of her children, who were killed last week by her boyfriend.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009; Page A14

"WE WANT to know what more we could have done . . . because there has to be more we could have done to prevent this." That's how one neighbor of Erika Peters reacted to the murders of the D.C. woman and her two young sons, allegedly by an abusive boyfriend. It is the right question to ask for friends, family, school, law enforcement and government, but -- as Ms. Peters's case so tragically demonstrates -- the complexity of abusive relationships defies pat answers. That's why society at large must do more to stop this kind of victimization.

Broken Wings Network Online Support


The Broken WIngs Network has received many calls and emails from family members, concerned friends and interested supporters asking for an online support group. 

After hearing from the wonderful folks at Peace 4 the Missing and Project Jason, we checked out their web sites and were thrilled to find a plethora of help and outreach groups for those trying to cope with a missing, murdered loved one.

If you are looking for others to connect with who understand the journey,  visit their site and let us know what you think!

 www.peace4missing.ning.com

www.projectjason.org

01 April, 2009

An Unprotective System Leads to the Murder of Two Innocent Little Boys

Records further indicate that the estranged husband violated orders of protection 57 times.

Please sign Petition

Deaths of 2 missing Illinois boys, father being investigated as dou...
 


Chicago Tribune Story Click here to read

This front page story in today's Chicago Tribune details tragically what happens when "the system" ignores warnings from abused wives about the dangers of unsupervised visitation with violent ex-husbands.

Having been there myself, and luckily having obtained supervised only visits from the courts in my case, I am so worried about the lack of vigilance on the parts of so many courts these days. Regan Martin's case in point.

Sending support,
Jennifer Bishop-Jenkins
www.illinoisvictims.org