30 June, 2009

One Chic Mama: A Rose Is A Rose

One Chic Mama: A Rose Is A Rose

People just love to see kids in hats. Especially cute hats. So whenever one woman would take her kids to the market, their cute hats made by her clever mom, "Nana", would get lots of attention. After this happened time and again, she decided she was on to something and Maggie's Rose was born.

Maggie's Rose is the cutest line of knit hats and headbands, each adorned with a lovely silk flower. When we received samples of these lovelies, my daughter just swooned! She had to wear the hat all around town that day, and, well, she got lots of compliments, too. Maggie's Rose hats and head bands are perfect for dress up, whether it's "like a big girl" or just for fun. Your girls will love that these hats and headbands are so cute, and you'll love that they're functional, too. Once the weather turns cool, this is a great way to keep your daughter's ears covered because she won't want to take these hats off! So take a peek at Maggie's Rose and watch your little rose just bloom when she tries one on!

Don't these men understand that you can't abuse a woman without abusing her children?

Abuse, Work Hard, not Smart

I will forever marvel at the man who gathers his children warmly about himself, gives them tender kisses and words of love, then turns to the mother of his children, and gives her spite, cruelty , degrading words, and carries within himself the illusion that he is a good, loving righteous father.

These sights remind me of a couple I once knew. They loved their little boy dearly. The dotted on him as though he were the very son of God. As they both worked full time, the couple employed a nanny. Many times I was shocked by how degrading their manner was toward their nanny. Didn't they understand when their backs were turned, the nanny was the one in care of their child. A child receives their happiness or sorrow from their primary care giver.

If a father loves his children and has the slightest clue as to human nature and physics he should demonstrate the utmost kindness to his children's mother, and lift her up. In order for the mother of his children to provide a caring, nurturing environment for her children, she needs to be emotionally and physically strong.

Every time, he digs at their mother, tearing her down, he is destroying his children's world. So many mothers have to strengthen their hearts, bind them up, and turn to their children, and as an demonstration of love to them, refuse to pass on the abuse to the children.

Don't these men understand that you can't abuse a woman without abusing her children. Emotionally or physically. It's just another way of burning down the home your children are sleeping in.

Motherhood is one of life's most challenging tasks and mothers need all the strength they can get.

If a man wants to build up his children, he must also build up the mother of his children. Otherwise, he may work hard, but not smart. He working against himself.

Father's need to remember to honor the mother of their children, they need it.

29 June, 2009

Emotional Incest is Emotional Abuse that makes a Child feel Responsible for the Parent's Emotional Needs

Emotional Incest - emotionally devastating child abuse

"One of the most pervasive, traumatic, and damaging dynamics that occurs in families in this dysfunctional, emotionally dishonest society is emotional incest. It is rampant in our society but there is still very little written or discussed about it."

"A touching scene? No. Emotional abuse! The child has just received the message that he/she has the power to save mommy's life. That the child has power over, and therefore responsibility for, mommy's feelings. This is emotional abuse, and sets up an emotionally incestuous relationship in which the child feels responsible for the parent's emotional needs."

(Text in this color are quotes from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney)

"Emotional incest from either parent is devastating to the child's ability to be able to set boundaries and take care of getting their own needs met when they become an adult. This type of abuse, when inflicted by the opposite sex parent, can have a devastating effect on the adult/child's relationship with his/her own sexuality and gender, and their ability to have successful intimate relationships as an adult."

It is not shameful to be abused. What is shameful is when no one helps.

FaithTrust Institute believes that the best way to address domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault and sexual violence is through a united front of religious and nonreligious resources. Skilled staff is available for trainings, seminars and keynote presentations in your area. All presentations include religious and pastoral issues, and are available throughout the United States, Canada and overseas.

While our workshops uniquely focus on building bridges between secular and religious organizations, our sessions are always tailored to the specific needs of your community. Accordingly, we train and educate a wide range of individuals and communities, both secular and religious. The following is an abbreviated list of the types of groups with whom we work regularly:

Statewide and local coalitions working to combat domestic violence and child abuse
Rape crisis centers
Seminary and university administrators
Churches, synagogues, congregations, mosques
Judicatory staff
Lay leaders and trainers
FaithTrust Institute’s
Four Program Initiatives:
Clergy Ethics
  • Offering specifically designed training and educational materials to help religious institutions of all faiths reduce incidents of sexual abuse by clergy and to train clergy on boundary issues.
  • Addressing professional ethics and sexual abuse through theological education.

Congregational Safety and Health
  • Supporting clergy and lay leaders in creating and sustaining healthy and safe congregations, emphasizing the prevention of child sexual abuse.

Healthy Families
  • Providing educational print and video materials addressing child abuse, domestic violence, and healthy teen relationships.
  • Training religious leaders to engage their communities in being part of a comprehensive community response to domestic violence.

Trafficking of Persons and Sexual Exploitation
  • Addressing global trafficking through educational materials for clergy and lay leaders.
  • Providing educational print and video materials addressing sexual violence.

Read more about our offerings in the following issue areas:
Click HERE to request training for specific faith traditions, including Muslim, Jewish, Christian, or Buddhist.
Click HERE to view a listing of upcoming trainings.

Length and costs of trainings vary depending on your needs. Please schedule your presentation at least six months in advance. Fill out a speaker request form or contact FaithTrust Institute for price information and scheduling.

28 June, 2009

Am I a friend of worth?

The Reluctant Friend

I see pictures and smiles. I’ve read the, ‘I can’t imagine my life without you in it’ confessions. And I wonder…so that’s what it’s supposed to be like. At times like a voyeur you witness the connection, the openness, the reality of what one would describe as friendship. Do we all define this bond with equal amounts of enthusiasm, accolades, and reverence? Am I a friend of worth and by what standards do we judge, gage that worthiness? What are we looking for in these strands that wound themselves around us tight – an acquaintance, companionship, or someone/something/anything to fill the empty space in our lives.

PhotobucketStrange is: Not knowing the answers and wondering if you have somehow missed the relevant meaning altogether. Awkward is: Not knowing exactly what is expected of you in friendship. I can nurture, listen, almost always give a helping hand – but is that the same? Friendship is a two way street. It’s easy enough to give of oneself, allowing for someone to give of themselves is – far from easy. Some days I’m not exactly sure how. Awkward is: Tripping falling over words, stammering for the right response and searching for something/anything to give you a hint on how to respond in any given situation. Complicated? It’s getting there.

Children who grow up in a sheltered environment often lack the social skills they might of otherwise learned. Add in the equivalent of lacking acceptance, love and self appreciation brought on by violent relationships and…most of my life has been centered around barely existing and participating in life and a whole lot of insecurity. If only those were the only factors – add in living with a disability (my deafness) and the world gets smaller by the moment. The desire to interact and belong on some level is always there. For those who would discount all or any of the above as being irrelevant in how someone may associate with another human being, “It’s my story, I lived it – leave it be.”

It’s not open for discussion of what I lack in understanding and empathy. That’s not the problem. In some twist of fate I turned out to be well rounded despite any of the above. Writing down one’s history in a memoir unlocks reality in a way you didn’t/couldn’t comprehended before the epiphany. The ‘ah, hah’ moment when it dawns on you there are no memories to guide what a friendship should be. The implications of living a lone wolf existence, leave one wanting to grasp what exactly it is you’ve missed out on. The camaraderie that you let your guard down with; the one person you can’t wait to share with; the people that somehow complete you; the ones that bring out the best of you and you them.

I’m learning…and some days it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to actively try to do in my life – is be a friend. Did I say/do the right thing at the appropriate moment? Was I understanding, supportive, encouraging enough? Did they get my off color humor, the at least I tried to lighten the moment tempest. Is it safe to let the vitriol escape, those unhindered, unbound lapses of opinionated – this is me, get over it whispers? Most of all is it worthy of friendship – mine and yours? When do I get to relax and stop worrying about the e-mail I sent out, my response/yours? Is it suppose to be this complicated and uninhibited? Is being me enough of an incentive to want you to know me?

How are you supposed to be a friend, when you’re never sure how to be one? It’s not an adult issue it’s a lifetime one…

Meet me in the stillness
Away from all this madness
I'll give you a piece of me
If you'll give me a moment
To let you into the corners of my mind

I looked into a stranger
And found my soul waiting there
It hit me like a siren
To see myself everywhere
And I saw that I knew him like the corners of my mind

And like every other soul
You feel the night come on hard and go slow
And life goes on and on and it goes
In the corners of my mind

So shed your skin for me
Let's pull back the covers
There's so much about ourselves
We're yet to discover
So won't you let me in to the corners of your mind

We pass on chance with our eyes to the ground
It only takes a minute to see what's around
But instead we choose to reside in the corners of our minds

So I stand before you now
Faulty but not broken
Fragile like the break of day
And sometimes sad like words unspoken
But I'll let you in
I'll let you in to the corners of my mind

And like every other soul
You feel the night come on hard and go slow
And life goes on and on and it goes
In the corners of my mind
(Nikka Costa -Corners of My Mind)

27 June, 2009



Helping Children Cope with Divorce

Helping Children Deal with Feelings of Grief

Problem: A divorce is one of the most devastating thing to happen in your children’s lives. They need to grieve over the loss but often need encouragement for how to express their sadness.


1. Give each child a journal. They can write good news, sad thoughts, lists of accomplishments or anything they like. Reassure them that the journal is for their eyes only.

2. Mark regularly got his boys together and gave them paper and pencil. Each would write down his angry feelings, sad reflections, and any other unhappy emotions. Once the slips of paper were filled, the children threw them into a Pyrex dish, lit a match, and burned the bad feelings away.

3. Consider letting your child see a therapist. You can suggest he/she visit the therapist at least 2-3 times to get a sense for how therapy might be able to help. After that, they can choose whether to continue. Reassure them that many people (perhaps even yourself) find it helpful to have a trusted person to talk to at times like these. If money is an issue, many communities have clinics or therapists who offer counseling on a sliding scale based on need.

4. Let your children talk to a trusted religious advisor.

5. Ask a friend or relative to set up a regular confidential chat with your child. Cathy asked her sister Lisa to act as a confidante to her daughter Casey. Lisa would take Casey out for ice cream and go on walks with her. And everything they discussed was confidential. Cathy trusted her sister to have Casey’s best interests at heart, and it was easier for Casey to confiding in someone who was not her mother.

The Shadow Effect

Take a journey from your darkest thought to your greatest dream

The Shadow Effect is coming June 26th. Be uplifted by the power that is hidden beneath the surface of your conscious mind. Take this emotionally gripping, visually compelling journey into your mysterious shadow self—the hiding place for your most disliked thoughts, emotions, and impulses—and discover how by embracing your worst fears, you can step into your greatest self. Be transformed by Debbie Ford, the #1 New York Times best-selling author and internationally acclaimed expert on the human shadow, as well as some of the most brilliant and evolutionary thinkers of the 21st century. Be inspired to uncover the wisdom in your wounds, the blessings in your misfortunes, and the gifts that are waiting to be claimed where you may least expect them . . . in the dark. Learn more.

The Books

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers
The Secret of the Shadow
Why Good People Do Bad Things

Spiritual Divorce

Often we become depressed or angry and have inner dialogues like "I can't trust anyone," "life sucks," or "I'll never let anyone do that to me again." All of our negative feelings and painful messages are stuffed within our consciousness. Left unexamined, we turn these toxic emotions and negative beliefs back on ourselves. Neglecting our inner wounds results in abusive relationships, addictions, obsessions, depressions, chronic illness, and a negative view of ourselves, others, and the world. And to make things worse, if we don't take the opportunity to look at ourselves and heal our pain, we are likely to repeat our failures.

It's imperative that we use this time to heal. Healing is the primary path returning us to a place where we see the perfection of our humanity. It is this awareness that gives us the opportunity to return to the deepest connection available to anyone -- our connection with our Divine Creator.

I wrote this book because I know firsthand how easy it is to use the breakdown of a relationship as an excuse to blame, to shut down, and to contract rather than to grow. I also know that our pain always has a purpose, which becomes clear once we’re willing to see our ex-partner as a teacher rather than an enemy. This book will take you by the hand, guide through an inner and outer revolution, and show you how to use your heartache as a CATALYST to reinvent yourself, recreate your life, and become the person you have always wanted to be.

“Spiritual Divorce saved my life. At a time when I thought I was drowning, I learned to swim. Thank you.”

Healing action steps: Part 1

  1. Select a journal that you love and dedicate it to the sole purpose of helping you to heal and grow through your divorce. Use it freely and frequently to express whatever feelings, thoughts, or insights arise within you. Keep your journal nearby to use during these exercises.
  2. Take a few slow, deep breaths, allowing your body and mind to relax completely. Dedicate this time to furthering your healing and promoting your well-being. Close your eyes and allow your attention to rest in the area of your heart. Now imagine what it would be like to use your divorce as a spiritual journey. Consider for a moment that the feelings and circumstances surrounding this event are here to awaken you. Declare that the process you are going through right now is a holy one, divinely designed to bring about a positive change in your life. As you do this exercise, you may find that what arises in you is anger, upset, or resistance to acknowledging your divorce as a spiritual journey. Trust that whatever emerges is perfect and appropriate. When you're ready, slowly open your eyes and free-write your feelings, thoughts, or insights in your journal.

Healing action steps: Part 2

  1. Create a quiet environment free from distractions. Take out a pen and a pad of paper and begin writing your divorce story, complete with all the drama and emotion you feel about the events that transpired. Use language that expresses your deepest, darkest feelings. This is not a time to censor yourself, to be kind, or to take responsibility for your actions. Give yourself permission to bring forth whatever needs to be said concerning yourself, your partner, and your divorce.
  2. Make a list of the facts about your divorce, without any story, drama, or judgment.
  3. Go back and read your divorce story. As you revisit each detail, ask yourself, "Is this fact or fiction?"

Read more about this book...

A Perfect Love

by Rose Sweet

After divorce some amount of healing can occur through friends, community support, and learning to change certain behaviors. But complete healing of our souls and spirits, and restoration to a place of total joy, can only come from the one who created us. Do you really know him yet?

He's strong and vibrant, powerful and perfect. He gave you life and calls you by name. He knows every inch of you, inside and out, and adores you despite your flaws. He sees in you what no one else sees, and he values you more than life itself.

He sends you flowers in the springtime and baskets of fruit in the summer. He brings you sunshine in the mornings and rainbows to let you know he is still with you even in the tough times.

He would never leave you in a rut, so he sends the change of seasons to spice up your life. When it's hot, he sends shade and cool water. When it's cold, he provides you with the heat of a fire and the comfort of warm wool.

He promises to meet your needs, dry your tears, and be your strength in time of trouble. He is the rock on which you can build your life, your home, and your family. He will be your husband. He also will be father to your children and love them more than you ever could.

He is the maker of heaven and earth. He is power and glory and might, and at his name every knee shall bend and every head shall bow.

He will never betray you or abandon you, and he will heal your broken heart.

He loves you.

He is with you always ... even after divorce, even until the end of time.

Scars are mere reminders of the past, they don't tell your story of today

Steps To Recovery For Survivors of Abuse

The subject of recovery for survivors of abuse is not often talked about. What happens after you leave? How to you go about rebuilding a normal life after divorcing an abusive husband? For anyone who has left an abusive relationship, the following article offers help and guidance to make the transition a little easier.

I'm out - now what?

Congratulations! You are free. You have worked hard for this, planned, sacrificed, endured, give yourself a big hug. Being free is great – and scary.

Change is always difficult, even if it's what we want and a change for the better. The adjustments we must make not only to our daily life, but our way of thinking are so huge we may be left feeling overwhelmed. This puts us at risk of losing sight of our dream or worse – back in the arms of the abuser.

It's important to make sure we don't feel overwhelmed and adjust comfortably to our new life.


Many women who have just come out of a long-term abusive relationship are just dying to get a 'real' relationship as soon as possible. Many feel they have been emotionally alone for a very long time - and they have. Unfortunately, getting into another relationship too soon isn't always wise. We haven't had time to find ourselves and we are at risk of falling into the same trap of abuse again. Behavior changes slowly, not just for the abuser but for us as well.

If you already have your eye on some guy and are afraid you will lose him, don't be. If the feeling is mutual, he will wait and allow you time to heal. Don't allow yourself to get desperate and jump from the frying pan into the fire!

New dreams:

While in the abusive relationship we dared to dream. Now is the time to look at those dreams and see if it's what we still want. Our needs and wants change and that's ok. Better to change our mind and move forward than to plug away at something we no longer want just because we said we would.

Make a new treasure map: Get a big sheet of paper and write big words on it like “my job is…” “I live in ….” Have a good think about what you want and write it down. Get pictures from magazines, draw sketches, look at it every day. That way it becomes a reality. Then start planning how you can get those things. The important thing is to write it all down like it has already happened. Don’t say “ I want to live in Atlanta with my family." Say “ I NOW live in Atlanta with my family”.

It’s not some wish that may or may not be fulfilled. It’s a statement of reality, a reality which WILL BE.

Make a new list of goals, let your imagination run wild…Get excited, know it can happen. You once dreamed of being free from abuse, it happened. Believe in yourself and follow your heart.

Practical matters:

Now we have to take care of everything for ourselves; paying rent, bills, dealing with finances, taxes, insurance. If we didn't deal with these things before this may all seem a little bit daunting. If a problem seems to big, break it down into small chunks and deal with it one little chunk at a time. If you need help, ask for it.

If he abuses your credit

If your ex is applying for credit with your social security number here are some things you can do to stop him:

  1. Contact the creditors who gave him credit under your name and SSN and tell them he acquired credit fraudulently using your information without your permission.
  2. File a police report.
  3. Contact the fraud department of the major credit bureaus (contact information is below).
    Report fraud: 1-800-525-6285
    Order a credit report:
    (800) 685-1111
    P.O. Box 740256
    Atlanta, GA 30374-0241
    Report fraud: 1-888-397-3742
    Order a credit report:
    (888) 397-3742
    P.O. Box 1017
    Allen, TX 75013-0949
    Trans Union
    Report fraud: 1-800-680-7289
    Order a credit report:
    (800) 916-8800
    P.O. Box 6790
    Fullerton, CA 92834

Tell them another person is applying for credit using your social security number and ask them to place a red flag. This will require creditors to contact you before approving additional credit using your name and number. Ask them how long the flag is posted on your account and how you can extend it if you need to. Follow up all your phone calls with a letter and keep a copy.

Here is a really good link for information on what to do if someone misuses your social security number: http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10064.html. You can also have your social security number changed. Here is a link to the Social Security Administrations Domestic Violence page: http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10093.html (scroll down the page to find the the information)

Planning time:

You won't constantly be running around like a headless chicken making sure everything is 'just so'. You may however be working for the first time in years and not used to this new schedule. Plan ahead. Make a day for paying bills, a day for laundry, a day for shopping and spread it out over the week so that it suits your new lifestyle and you don't get overwhelmed. You won't get it right first time! Just move things around until you have a system that works.

Hobbies and interests: what are they?

What ever you want them to be! I always wanted to do crafts and make soap. Make sure you allow yourself to indulge in 'you' things. Hobbies give us pleasure and also help us to reclaim who we are. It could be something you loved to do before your abuser came along and then life with him made it impossible or he made you stop. Maybe it's a new thing you want to try. Sewing, reading, rock climbing, watching TV, what ever, it doesn't matter. Remember, this is a choice, you are not compelled to take up a hobby! Perhaps you like to sit and watch an old movie, or read a book, go ahead, indulge yourself. The important thing is you are pleasing your self, quite literally.

Support network:

It's a whole new world out there and you don't want to face it alone! We know jumping into an intimate relationship isn't the answer, but we do need a support network. Hopefully we were able to build a support network as part of our escape planning. Friends, family, co-workers, counselors, it's important to maintain these relationships after we get out. If we weren't able to form these relationships before leaving the abuser, now is a great time to start. Many of us were distanced from our family and friends by the abuser who tried to isolate us. Now is the time to pick up the phone and call your friend, your sister or who ever you used to share a good relationship with. Reforming these bonds with our loved ones will also help us to heal.

Time to heal:

Ah, so much to do and it's a struggle that's for sure. But please, take time to smell the roses. Look around, appreciate what you have – freedom from abuse and peace. Admire the beauty in nature, watch the squirrels, walk through autumn leaves, feel the sun on your face - or the rain! Healing is important. Join a survivors support group, physically or online. Get into counseling even if you didn't before you left. Make sure you recognize the signs of abuse and your own self worth so that you don't get involved in another abusive relationship.

Rewire your brain:

After enduring years, possibly decades of negative input about our bodies, cooking, skills, abilities, sexuality, personality and everything that makes us what we are, our thought patterns become stuck into believing it's true. We learned to act in certain ways in order to protect ourselves from further abuse and harm. We built up mental ways of coping with the impossible and bearing the unbearable. We learned to survive. Those survival mechanisms and thought patterns got us through and they are still with us, but they are now obsolete. We need to rewire our brains to react positively to daily events and to ourselves. We no longer need to apologize for things that aren't our fault, or blame ourselves for another person's behavior.

We need to understand that everyone is responsible for their own behavior, including us! We can't make someone abuse us, they choose to do it. We can't make them stop abusing us either, for the abuser must choose to stop the abuse themselves. You are not responsible for his behavior, you never were. You are responsible for your own behavior, however.

How do you want to wear your hair? What clothes do you want to wear? What kind of music do you like to listen to? Watch what you want on TV. Do the laundry/housework/dishes when you want to. Make your life suit your convenience.

Habits are hard to break. Just be aware and catch yourself if you slip into your old ways and stop for a moment and think 'does this work for me?' Make sure you break the cycle and don't let it happen to you again.

Dealing with him:

If you still need to have contact with him because of joint property and/or children, make it as easy on yourself as possible. If you are selling a house, let your realtor deal with him as much as possible. If you have legal issues about divorce, see if your courthouse has a Family Law Facilitator or some other form of mediation. Check with your local Women's crisis center too.

In the case of child custody, he may use picking up or dropping off the children as an excuse to harass you. I have read posts on the message boards recently of abusers using this opportunity to grope their ex-partners and then fly into rages when their crude advances are rejected. Have him collect your children in a public place, or from a location at which you are not present. Have someone else around if he must come to your home – that way he can't harass you.

If he does begin to harass you, get a restraining order and call the police every time he violates it. Having the restraining order and a police record of his violations will also help you should you need evidence of the abuse in court.

He has a new girlfriend:

How could we be replaced so easily? This is a tough one and let me tell you, I’ll bet my side of the bed didn’t even get cold the day I left! He doesn’t love this women, he is just insecure and needs someone, anyone, who will have him. Pity her, you know what he has in store for her…He will use his new girlfriend as an emotional punch bag and sooner or later, a physical one too.

Knowing all that doesn’t make it any easier though does it? You are going to feel what ever you feel; anger, shock, pain, humiliation, jealousy, confusion… That’s ok, don’t be hard on yourself for having feelings. It’s your capacity to feel and be human that makes you what you are. Acknowledge your feelings, give yourself a day to ‘mourn’ if it makes you feel better, but don’t wallow in it. Allow yourself to feel – don’t allow yourself to be overcome by your feelings.

Post on the board, talk to a friend or counselor, express your feelings in a healthy way.

Remember: YOU LEFT HIM. Remember WHY you left him and get on with your day.


Being in an abusive relationship strips us of all our self-confidence, makes us feel worthless and unattractive. We need time to heal and reclaim ourselves. By pursuing our hobbies we reclaim a part of our personalities and outline our strengths. By dreaming and planning, we assert our own importance and define our right to have what we want. By planning our time we become decision makers. By beginning or expanding our support network we create a social life. By helping ourselves, healing ourselves and loving ourselves, we will in turn be able to help, heal and love others.

Copyright © Heather Jayne 2001, 2002. If you are in an abusive relationship, Heather's site offers extensive information and resources about domestic violence, tips for leaving your abusive relationship, and support for after you leave. You can visit her site at Leaving Abuse.com.

Following these steps to recovery for survivors of abuse can help you begin to live a full life, free from threats and beatings. If you would like more information about abuse, the following articles can offer some insight:

Quote of the Day
No one ever flew forward in life, looking backward. Therefore, the scars are just a reminder of where you have been, not where you are today, oh beautiful spirit... - Unknown

Emotional Abuse
When Words Hurt
Abuse Effects On Children
When Controlling Behavior Continues
More Articles on Abusive Relationships

17 June, 2009

Today, on the Susan Murphy Milano TalkRadio Show - Why Do We Live With Destructive People?

Why Do We Live With Destructive People?

LIVE Today on the Susan Murphy-Milano Radio Show!

Online, Interactive TalkRadio, 6/17/09 at 4pm EST.

Why do live remain in relationships with people who are toxic? Who make us sick? Who manipulate and reek havoc on the live of our children and us?

Grab a cup coffee and join in on the conversation today June 17, 2009 on the Susan Murphy Milano show at 3:00 p.m. central standard time.

To listen to Susan's TalkRadioShow, please go here: www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

Are you looking for a domestic violence support group? Consider joining at the link HERE.

To find out more about Susan, purchase her books and/or book her for an appearance, please visit her website at www.SusanMurphyMilano.com or contact ImaginePublicity at imaginepublicity@gmail.com

Shared via AddThis

16 June, 2009

When you cry for help and no one listens, you start to lose your hope.

A Woman's View: Dying of AIDS

The following is part of Elizabeth Glaser's address to the 1992 Democratic National Convention. Glaser was HIV-positive at the time of the address and died within two years.

"I'm Elizabeth Glaser. Eleven years ago, while giving birth to my first child, I hemorrhaged, and was transfused with 7 pints of blood. Four years later, I found out that I had been infected with the AIDS virus, and had unknowingly passed it to my daughter Ariel through my breast milk, and my son, Jake, in utero.

"Twenty years ago, I wanted to be at the Democratic Convention because it was a way to participate in my country. Today, I am here because it's a matter of life and death.

"Exactly 4 years ago, my daughter died of AIDS. She did not survive the Reagan administration. I am here because my son and I may not survive 4 more years of leaders who say they care, but do nothing.

"I am in a race with the clock. This is not about being a Republican or an independent or a Democrat. It's about the future for each and every one of us.

"I started out just a mom, fighting for the life of her child. But along the way, I learned how unfair America can be today, not just for people who have HIV, but for many, many people, poor people, gay people, people of color, children. A strange spokesperson for such a group, a well to do white woman. But I have learned my lesson the hard way, and I know that America has lost her path, and is at risk of losing her soul.

"America, wake up. We are all in a struggle between life and death.

"I understand - I understand the sense of frustration and despair in our country because I know first hand about shouting for help, and getting no answer. I went to Washington to tell Presidents Reagan and Bush that much, much more had to be done for AIDS research and care, and that children couldn't be forgotten. The first time when nothing happened, I thought they just didn't hear me. The second time, when nothing happened, I thought maybe I didn't shout loud enough. But now I realize they don't hear because they don't want to listen.

"When you cry for help and no one listens, you start to lose your hope. I began to lose faith in America. I felt my country was letting me down, and it was. This is not the America I was raised to be proud of. I was raised to believe that others' problems were my problems as well. But when I tell most people about HIV in hopes that they will help and care, I see the look in their eyes. It's not my problem, they're thinking. Well, it's everyone's problem. And we need a leader who will tell us that.

"We need a visionary to guide us, to say, it wasn't alright for Ryan White to be banned from school because he had AIDS.

"To say it wasn't alright for a man or a woman to be denied a job because they're infected with this virus. We need a leader who is truly committed to educating us.

"I believe in America, but not with a leadership of selfishness and greed, where the wealthy get health care and insurance and the poor don't.

Do you know...

"Do you know how much my AIDS care costs? Over $40,000 a year. Someone without insurance can't afford this. Even the drugs that I hope will keep me alive are out of reach for others. Is their life any less valuable? Of course not.

"This is not the America I was raised to be proud of, where rich people get care and drugs that poor people can't. We need health care for all.

" We need a leader who will say this, and do something about it.

" I believe in America, but not a leadership that talks about problems, but is incapable of solving them. Two HIV commission reports, with recommendations about what to do to solve this crisis, sitting on shelves, gathering dust.

"We need a leader who will not only listen to these recommendations, but implement them.

"I believe in America, but not with a leadership that doesn't hold government accountable. I go to Washington, to the National Institutes of Health, and say show me what you're doing on HIV. They hate it when I come, because I try to tell them how to do it better. But that's why I love being a taxpayer, because it's my money, and they must feel accountable.

"I believe in an America where our leaders talk straight. When anyone tells President Bush that the battle against AIDS is seriously underfunded, he juggles the numbers to mislead the public into thinking we're spending twice as much as we really are. While they play games with numbers, people are dying.

"I believe in America, but an America where there is a light in every hope. A thousand points of light just wasn't enough. My house has been dark for too long. Once every generation, history brings us to an important crossroads. Sometimes in life there is that moment when it's possible to make a change for the better. This is one of those moments. For me, this is not politics. This is a crisis of caring.

"In this hall is the future. Women, men, of all colors saying, take America back. We are just real people wanting a more hopeful life. But words and ideas are not enough. Good thoughts won't save my family. What's the point of caring if we don't do something about it?

"A president and a Congress that can work together so that we can get out of this gridlock and move ahead, because I don't win my war if the president cares and the Congress doesn't, or if the Congress cares and the president doesn't support the ideas.

"The people in this hall, this week, the Democratic Party, all of us can begin to deliver that partnership. And in November, we can all bring it home.

"My daughter lived 7 years, and in her last year, when she couldn't walk or talk, her wisdom shone through. She taught me to love, when all I wanted to do was hate. She taught me to help others, when all I wanted to do was help myself.

"She taught me to be brave, when all I felt was fear. My daughter and I loved each other with simplicity. America, we can do the same.

"This was the country that offered hope. This was the place where dreams could come true - not just economic dreams, but dreams of freedom, justice and equality.

" We all need to hope that our dreams can come true.

"I challenge you to make it happen. Because all our lives, not just mine, depend on it.

"Thank you."

JOINT physical custody isn't about "sharing."

JOINT physical custody isn't about "sharing." It's about splitting the spoils (in this case, rendering children possessions) down the middle to "share" in the sense of halving.

It's about operating separate automonous households that do NOT have to confer, because EACH can do whatever the heck it wants to, consistent or not, approved by the other parent or not.


What they both mean to me, A little girl's wish.


The Mentoring Project is an organization that exists to inspire and equip the faith community to provide positive male role models to boys between the ages of 7 and 14. Founded in 2005, The Mentoring Project is the vision of Donald Miller, a best selling author who resides in Portland, Oregon.


Donald Miller
Share This Page:
Buy This Item
Buy This Item

Choose Your Fathers Day Gift

Tony Dungy - Uncommon

Uncommon: Finding Your Path To Significance - SIGNED COPY!

Tony Dungy

In a culture that defines success by the size of your salary, Super Bowl Winning Coach Tony Dungy offers valuable insights on achieving uncommon success and real significance.

The Shack

The Shack - SIGNED COPY!

William Young

William Young's The Shack was #1 on the New York Times Best-Seller list for 33 straight weeks. This special book will sell out very quickly.


Randy Alcorn Collection

Randy Alcorn

Randy Alcorn is a best-selling author of many books and founder and director of Eternal Perspective Ministries. Buy this great gift for Dad and he'll receive one of 25 Randy Alcorn books.

Buy This Item
Nooma Videos

Nooma Video

Rob Bell

Rob Bell's wildly popular Nooma videos are one of the most sought after products on the Christian market today. We have three different episodes to offer, "Lump", "Rain", or "Kickball".

Buy This Item
Good News About Injustice - Gary Haugen

Good News About Injustice - SIGNED COPY

Gary Haugen

As the President of The International Justice Mission, "Good News About Injustice" is Haugen's groundbreaking work on God's desire for his followers to seek justice in the most unlikely of places.

Buy This Item
To Own A Dragon

To Own A Dragon - SIGNED COPY!

Donald Miller

The book that started it all. To Own A Dragon is Don's compelling story of growing up without a Father. It is because of this book that The Mentoring Project exists today.

Buy This Item
Free Market Jesus

Free Market Jesus DVD - SIGNED COPY!

Donald Miller

In Free Market Jesus, Don illustrates how culture always serves as a lens for our understanding of Christianity. Get this thought provoking DVD for your Dad this Fathers Day.

Buy This Item
Blue Like Jazz

Blue Like Jazz - SIGNED COPY

Donald Miller

Don's most famous book. Blue Like Jazz is a fresh, unique, and thought provoking look into Christian spirituality.

Buy This Item
Blue Like Jazz

Blue Like Jazz - Audio Book on CD

Donald Miller

The audio version of Don's most famous book, read by Don himself. Blue Like Jazz is a fresh, unique, and thought provoking look into Christian spirituality.

Buy This Item

Max Lucado Collection - SIGNED COPIES!

Max Lucado

From his award winning books to daily devotionals, your Dad will love a Fathers Day gift from New York Times Best-Selling Author Max Lucado. Buy this great gift for Dad and he'll receive one of 20 Max Lucado books.

The Truth About You - Marcus Buckingham

The Truth About You

Marcus Buckingham

The Truth About You is an experience to unlock life's toughest questions. The process this revolutionary toolkit teaches will create higher satisfaction and performance in life and work.

Buy This Item
Jars of Clay

The Long Fall Back To Earth - SIGNED by the band!

Jars of Clay CD

The Long Fall Back To Earth is the newest release from Grammy Award winning Christian rock band Jars of Clay.

Buy This Item
Lanny Donoho

God's Blogs: Insights Into His Site - SIGNED COPY!

Lanny Donoho

God’s Blogs has insightful and fresh thoughts that help us to see more of God’s character, his love, and his grace. A fascinating read that will help search your own thoughts about who He is.

Buy This Item
Africa Choir

The Daraja Children's Choir of Africa CD

Featuring Shane Bernard, Mac Powell, Jeff Foxworthy and more!

Daraja means "bridge" in Swahili, and these 24 orphaned and vulnerable children have journeyed all the way from Kenya to bring a taste of African worship and praise.

Buy This Item
Brian Hommel

Dropping The Fig Leaves - SIGNED COPY!

Brian Hommel

Brian Hommel is the chaplain of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Dropping The Fig Leaves is a book about living without "dark corners" - it's about living the way the Lord intends all of us to live, naked and unashamed.
Buy This Item
Joshua Harris

Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is)

Joshua Harris

Lust isn't just a guy problem — it's a human problem. And unless we honestly confront it, lust will destroy our relationships and our lives. Joshua Harris calls a generation bombarded with images of sexual sin back to the freedom and joy of holiness.

Buy This Item
Bible Study Magazine

Bible Study Magazine

SIGNED by the Editors!

Bible Study Magazine will enhance your study of God’s word in a variety of ways, suggesting methods of Bible study and offering tips on Bible study tools. It includes advice and encouragement from pastors, teachers and scholars on Bible study.

Buy This Item
Hey Josh

Hey Josh Factory DVD

Josh Shipp is dedicated to one thing: entertaining, inspiring, and empowering teens. His new DVD does just this and is sure to be a hit with anyone needing advice and guidance.

Buy This Item

Our Goal: 10,000 Mentors

We Are Currently Mentoring 80 Children

Our Goal: 1,000 Churches

We Currently Have 8 Church Partners

Our Goal: 1,000 Supporters

We Currently Have 348 Supporters