02 July, 2009

10 Seconds

"I've filed for divorce, you have 10 seconds to say something before I hang up."

Upon hearing this, over the phone, after 7 plus years of marriage, 2 children, 1 mortgage, 2 vehicles, 1 boat, 100's of memories, 1,000's of future hopes/plans/dreams and countless "turn the other cheek" undeservedly so acts of forgiveness...I was unable to fully utilize the 10 seconds I'd ever so "graciously" been given...

Upon hearing this, over the phone, amidst the simultaneous news that my Beloved Father was possibly dying from AML Leukemia...I was unable to even catch my breathe, let alone use the 10 second response time alloted in a meaningful manner.

At that moment, all I could do was hope for the next moment, for the ability to breathe once again, to not let the trauma overwhelm me, to continue to somewhat stand, to do everything in my power to not literally pass out.

10 seconds to respond to no more forever.

10 seconds to say whatever I'd not been given "permission" to express ever since we promised till death due us part.

10 seconds to state how I felt about now being a single parent, to vocalize my thoughts, my shattered dreams, my no more tomorrows, my darkened present, my broken heart, my violated trust, my ridiculed yesterdays, my abandoned todays...

10 seconds, not a half second extra of grace time, not even a minute, just seconds, only 10...that's all I "deserved" not one moment more...that's all I meant, all that I was, all that I mattered, all that, to you, I'd ever be...

Just 10 seconds, 10 lousy, insignificant seconds.

1 comment:

  1. You are a very strong, courageous woman. I admire you immensely. You are a true inspiration. Wish I could give you a great big hug!