I should have run, I should have run like hell...

It will never stop...will it?

I mean, this is it, my life now, a prisoner of your rage. But not just yours, your entire "we stick together" families...I see it more clearly, finally, now...

Wow...I guess I really am a f-ing idiot after all, you were all right, all along. I just...I didn't really think that...I somewhat believed all of you...your lies, that maybe it was just me, seeing things wrong, too sensitive...you all nearly had me convinced that I truly was the one with the issue against them or at least semi-going crazy.

I still don't understand. I know that I never will, I know that it is futile to try...but, it is so surreal, so incomprehensible, why you all hate me with such vengeance, I tried so hard, so much, so long, so often...

When I told you, what they said, the things your own Mother said and did to the girls and I, you became so full of anger, it frightened me, it would have frightened anyone...you made it into that I was wrong, that I was the hateful one...that it was my fault that she was abusive to me, to you, to our children.

And then, when finally, after counseling, after much healing, when I finally stood up to her, to him, to your family, that no, it is not okay to humiliate our children, to continue to make up lies about me, to so overtly do anything to destroy our family...I begged of you for your support, my own Dad was dying, which oddly, instead of making her a bit more sensitive to our current anguish, her bizarre disdain of myself and our girls become even more intense...please, I asked you, please see us...please just love us, we need you more now than ever before, please!

You hated me even that much more for having said so...I was to be punished, I would pay for daring to speak out against the abuse. You, your Mother, your Father, your Brother...you would see to that, you would make sure that others saw things your way too...

And so many do, which is so shocking to me, shocking to me for many reasons. One of which being, I have yet to understand what in the heck I really did to begin with! Was it telling your Mom about a few of the times you abused me, was it sharing with her about the one time you yourself thought you may have killed me after slamming my head into the wall so hard? Was that it?

I thought maybe...maybe she would help convince you to talk to someone about it...that maybe she would support our family's efforts to be healthy. She didn't. She was very upset with me...when I shared this...she didn't deny it, "it" didn't matter, rather she asked me what I had done, what did I say to you, how it must have been so evil and awful, whatever it was that I had said.

How could I have not seen this from the start? I am, of course, not the first one to experience this rage against you all...it has now occurred to 2 out of the 3 daughter-in-laws in your family, there is now only one left.

I should have run, I should have run like hell after seeing how, at the funeral home of your brother, after he took his own life, how your Mother with all of your support, loudly and publicly accused his newly grieving widow of being responsible for his death, in front of her children and family and friends, she accused her. And then, you all rushed to support the accuser! Even helped her come up with many more reasons, be they fabricated or not, to justify her rage against and hate for the wife your brother had left behind.

How could you all have treated her like that? How sick are you all to do that to her and her children?! How could I have not stood up for her more?! I am so ashamed for not standing up for her sooner...

She moved away, she lives in an entirely, far away state now...of course she does...how could she even begin to attempt to make a safe, happy life for herself and her children here surrounded by this seemingly formed army set out to actively determined to destroy her.

Moving isn't an option for me...we'll have to "figure out" shared parenting...you will all always be in my life, no doubt, always determined to ridicule, humiliate, degrade...destroy me, I fear...

This is my life now...my girls and my life...

Because...it doesn't really matter, what happened, the truth...what matters to all of you, I now clearly realize and finally see that...What matters, all that counts...is that I could potentially expose that truth and because I am now seemingly even more so of this ridiculous reasoned threat, I need to be destroyed...because, as your cousin wrote on your facebook wall...

"oh no, whatcha do? I unfriended her a while back, family has to stick together."