03 July, 2009

Finally speaking out about "he" to both no one and everyone

He is a bully, in every sense of the word, a psychologically damaging monster, I could go on...but, it would not matter, because apparently even though he has not done one damn thing yet to establish himself as a compassionate, concerned, involved, healthy parent he still continues to be coddled by the very system my girls and I most need to finally assist in our protection from the ongoing abuse we have endured for years.

I feel like a ton of effort has been and continues to be put into making sure he and all his continued sewage of bullshit is heard, however meanwhile, I am the one being the parent, running the home, taking care of every single thing concerning this house and our children...I am always at home with my girls, scraping by, overloaded by hateful, vindictive "he-ism" amidst losing my DAD, my girls and my PROTECTOR from he himself...and throughout it all he continues to abuse us...continuously, it never ceases...

Honestly, I truly DO now know why I stayed in an abusive relationship for as long as I did...people all say how wrong and nonsensical it is to stay with an abuser for your children...however, knowing and experiencing what I have been and am now...all I know now is...had I known how little the system would give a damn about my girls and I then...

I would have never pressed for he to leave...at least when we were still together, I could be there, be a buffer between his rage and my babies and somewhat protect them. But now...they are abused more and protected less...while the "system" works towards "helping" his now "even worse and more destructive" self accomplish everything that he always threatened he'd achieve.

My utmost role in life is to be the best damn Mother I can be for my girls...my main prayer is that their Father might embrace his role in their lives as well and step-up to be the kind of parent they need and deserve...but, until that day, and until if and when it comes...I will protect them, but I need your help to do so.

Please believe me, my girls and my very lives count on you fighting on our behalf.

I just want to know what I CAN do, I'll do it...we are not a statistic of what usually occurs, these are my children, I promised my own Dad months ago, on his deathbed, that I would protect his cherished little girls and that is what I intend to do.


  1. saying a prayer for you my dear friend.

  2. Sorry you are having such an awful time of it ... it is heartbreaking enough when a poor relationship ends but to have to go through this as well? I don't know if this will help you or not, but it might be possible your ex has some type of personality disorder ...Cluster B perhaps ... narcissism, sociopathy or psychopathy - there are some women on this site who are fighting their tormentors and winning